Ben & Jerry's
by amberranae6292
Summary: When Stephanie gains a Clown Stalker, she writes it off as yet another crazy. As the stalking progresses, however, she discovers that it's part of a much larger conspiracy concerning the Manoso family.. and she is right in the middle of it all. CH. 22 Up!
1. Ben & Jerry's

**Disclaimer : Neither Ranger nor Steph is mine, although if Ranger were real, I would so have kidnapped him by now. Hey, if you were nice enough, I might even have shared. /**

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**I'm writing a few one-shots right now, just to get inspiration for a longer-chapter story. This is just to take up a lil time and let me think.. and get me back to writing again / so please, bare with me.. and Constructive Criticism and Reviews are Strongly Welcomed! If you want to flame, please do not make grammatical errors, because that is just something that ticks my ticker. If you know what I mean. So, here we go!**

**By the way. The beginning of the story talks about God and how Steph believes he's giving her a hard time. If you're easily offended by people blaming things on God, then I suggest you skip down a bit. :)**

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Okay, so maybe I accidentally blow up every other car I drive. Maybe I get shot at, stalked, and thrown in dumpsters and placed into other various embarrassing positions on a daily basis. Maybe I'm famous for blowing up the funeral home, and my nickname is Bombshell. None of that is my fault!

God did not seem to agree with me, however. Nope, nuh uh. Not in the slightest. Because, see, if God loved me, then he would not have me sitting here on the side of the road, my arms crossed, with a cell phone with absolutely no signal at five past midnight. My problem? My car had to run out of gas.

My fricken' CAR! How many fricken' people had that much fricken' bad luck that they can't even fricken' drive to a fricken' store to get a pint of Ben and FRICKEN' Jerry's without their fricken' foreign peice of junk car running out of fricken' 3-dollars-a-gallon gasoline.

FRICK.

I blamed God.

I pulled out my cell phone and attempted, once again, to call Ranger's cell phone.

Zilch.

Nada.

"Dammit."

I realized that I was going to have to get out and walk before I would be able to get a signal.

Screw that, then.

"Why is it always me?" I groaned, banging my head on the steering wheel. "If it's not psychos, it's bullets, and if it's not bullets, it's bombs.." I realized that I was talking to myself, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Then, I realized I had to pee like a race horse.

I sat there for about ten more minutes, then I couldn't hold it any longer. I slammed my car door shut, walked over behind a tree on the side of the road, and looked around at the deserted area. Nobody had driven past me ever since I decided to be sooo wise and take this "short cut", so I really didn't have anything to worry about.

Or so I thought.

So I was squattin' there, doing my business, when suddenly this pair of bright ass headlights is shining right at me.

"_Fuck_!" I jumped up and zipped my pants quickly, then turned..

and hit a wall of Rangerness.

"Shit, damn, ouch." I swore as he pulled me up, his lips twitching.

"Do I want to ask?" He took my arm and led me to the passenger side of his truck. He then circled around and got in on the driver's side.

"How did you-"

"GPS." He still looked amused.

"How much did you-"

Now he let out a burst of laughter.

"Babe."

My face burned. I knew that he had seen me.. doing my.. well, taking care of my bladder problem. Thing. ish.

"_WHY DO YOU HATE ME_?" I yelled, throwing my hands into the air. I glared at the roof of his truck.

"Babe?"

"God," I explained. "He ha-" A thought dawned on me. The whole reason I had been out at night to begin with -- the cause of my troubles -- had been left behind.

"Oh my God, Ranger, turn around. Now."

"No."

"My Ben and Jerry's, Ranger! I went through all this to get it, _dammit I want my ice cream_!" I realized that I was acting like a cheerleader on steriods, but this was a crucial matter at hand. Life or death.

Ranger shot me a sideways glance, probably either determining how mentally stable I was or whether or not I was going to start crying. And I was close to crying, too, by the time he finally made a U-Turn and headed back to my car.

I let out a sigh of relief as I found my Ben and Jerry's un-melted and still cold. I dug around until I found a spoon, then jumped back in Ranger's truck. I began to eat away in bliss.

"Your place or mine?" He asked me. I did not reply. I was too busy licking off the spoon.

I felt his eyes on me. I looked over in time to see them darken. I was in mid-lick. I carefully put the spoon down and smiled tenatively.

"Mine," he said, his voice low,rough, and downright sexy. But then, when wasn't he sexy?

We drove in silence until we got to the garage, where Ranger killed the engine. I moved to get out when I felt hands pulling me over to him. Before I knew it, his tongue was in my mouth, and I was enjoying every second of it. His hands roamed, until he caused me to gasp and moan softly.

"Shit, Babe."

He pulled away, but before I knew it, he had the passenger door open, practically dragging me to the elevator. His mouth attacked mine again while we were going up, and he did not even pause when we got to the seventh floor.

Before I knew it, I was on his bed, and he was on me. He was steadily removing our articles of clothing, when I gasped.

"Shit!"

"Babe?"

"My Ben and Jerry's!"

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	2. Poison Ivy

**Okay, a few people have asked that I add more to this, so I figure I'll give it a shot.. if it turns out to be sucky and.. plotless.. then let me know and I'll go back to it just being one chapter. mk :)**

**Disclaimer : This is not mine! This is the work of the twisted and cruel Janet Evanovich.. share Ranger with us woman :( We'd love you forever for it..**

**Here we go!

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I was happy. I was dancing. I was a fricken' fairy princess.

Why?

Because I had had Ranger, Ben & Jerry's, and absolutely NO Morelli all in one night.

Mmm.

Joyce, I thought, you can have Morelli and the Dick.

I have Batman.

If it hadn't have been for my concern of waking Ranger up, I would have done a victory dance.

I settled for wiggling my toes.

"Babe."

"Uh huh."

His eyes widened as he reached down and.. scratched?

"Ranger wha-"

He cut me off by jumping up and all but running to the shower.

Uh.

Okay.

Weird.

I got up to get dressed, when suddenly I felt it.

It was an itch.

Down _there_.

_Shit._

But.. Ranger..

Oh shit.

"Ranger?" I knocked on his door, trying hard not to scratch.

"Stephanie."

Uh oh, Batman sounded pissed.

Not good.

"Please don't tell me I have herpes."

I heard a snort come through the door.

"You don't have herpes, Babe, you have poison ivy."

What the hell?

Then, the memory of last night rushed back to me.

I had had to pee.

I had squatted.

In the dark.

"Oh Shiiiit."

Ranger opened the door. "You're telling me."

My jaw dropped; Not because of his obvious nakedness, but because of.. the.. "Jesus _Christ_."

I had given Batman poison ivy.

Poison fricken' Ivy.

On his..

God must be one _twisted_ prankster.

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**Hopefully this will hold ya until I get past my writer's block. I'm sorry if this offended anyone. Actually, I'm not, because I personally find it to be freakin' hilarious. But if you're offended, well, sucks for you. :) If anyone has any suggestions, even if that suggestion is to drop the story and run,now would be a good time to tell me.. I'm at a dead end : Help meeee! **

**Review!**

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	3. Carla

**Disclaimer : You know the drill. I promise, no Ranger's were harmed during the making of this story. He probably underwent major humiliation, but all men need a few doses of that in their life, right?**

**Um, I'm still playin' this thing ear by ear, so if you have any suggestions I'm MORE than willing to hear them.. Help me out here people! **

**And now, for your feature presentation :

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Okay, breath. Nothing major was happening.

I mean, after all, it's not like it's unusual for people to give their bosses poison ivy on their happy sticks.

Right?

Yes sir, land of denial is a damn good place.

You really oughtta visit sometime.

"Stephanie Plum?"

I looked up to see an innocent looking doctor enter my room.

Poor girl.

Probably, she had no clue what she was getting herself into.

After Ranger's discovery of our.. uh.. problem, he had immediately dressed in the loosest pair of pants he had, and instructed me to do the same. Without telling any of the guys, who I'm sure were dying from laughter at the sight of Ranger scratchin' through his pants while waiting on the elavator to reach the garage, Ranger had rushed us to the hospital, scratching, cursing, and growling all the way.

I just sat there, trying hard not to give in and scratch.

Like I said.

God is one cruel prankster.

"Okay, Ms. Plum, I need you to lay back now.." She talked to me as if this was my first gyn visit.

She poked and prodded awhile, while I lay there, wondering how pissed Ranger would be. I would have to fight the urge to tell him 'I told you so.'

"Tell who?"

Apparently I had been talking out loud again.

"Um.." my Batman-Cuban-sex-god-captain-of-the-Merry-Men boss that I just so happen to sleep with every other night..

Yeah, uh..

I don't think so.

Luckily, I was not forced to answer, because Ms. Doctor stepped away.

She gave me a prescription for some kind of cream that I was supposed to put on it.

How embarrassing.

I almost died of laughter, however, when I saw that Ranger had the same prescription.

"This is not funny," he growled.

I couldn't help it.

It was hilarious enough when someone proved that Batman was really a human.

Even if it did mean that I was dead meat.

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Ranger apparently did not want to be recognized with this type of prescription under these.. um.. circumstances, because we did not stop at the local drugstore. 

"Uh, Ranger? Home is that way." I pointed for emphasis.

He was in his zone, however, and ignored me.

Damn.

We stopped at a CVS on the other side of Trenton, after Ranger decided it was safe and that chances of being recognized were slim. We were half-way in the store when Ranger's eyes fell on a woman standing with her back to us. He stopped suddenly, and I looked over at him in confusion.

"Ra-"

He made an urgent "_Shut-the-hell-up_" face, but it was too late. The woman turned to face us.

"Well holy shit, Ric, what are you doing here?" The woman's eyes darted from him, to me, back to him. Her mouth slowly curled into a grin.

A very familiar-looking grin..

"Well I'll be god damned," she whistled. "Ricky, is this the Bombshell?"

Ranger's face was, to say in the least, pained. I looked from him to the woman in confusion.

"Steph," he said, his voice strained, "Meet my big sister, Carla."

Oh Shit.

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**Tell me if you want more! And, to prove the fact that you want more..**

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	4. Dinner Invitation

**Disclaimer : I do not own anyone but Carla, but i'll trade her for Ranger any day..**

**I know ya'll are probably ready to tear off my head for not updating until now, but I was at drum corps. practice and then I had to stay after school to help them clean up the area and.. yeah yeah, i know, shut tha hell up with the excuses and WRITE!**

**So, maybe this'll hold you until I can write a longer chapter.. (I'll start working on it as soon as I stop babbling here, I promise!)**

**And awayyyyyyy we go!**

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"Sooo," said Carla in a sing-song voice, "What exactly brings you here, Ricky?"

Ricky?

Hah!

I tried to hold in my laughter.

I failed.

Ranger shot me a death glare, before turning back to Carla.

"I have a prescription that needs filled." He tried to pass her, but she blocked his way.

Girl power.

"A prescription, eh?"

Before I even knew what was happening, Ranger was on the ground, Carla on top of him.

"Carla!" he yelled, holding the paper for his.. our? prescription above his head. She reached for it, but he quickly moved it away.

"Give-" she had one hand on his right hand, leaving only his left arm free - "Me-" she pinned his legs down with her own - "That-" She wrenched the paper out of his hand - "Paper!"

She stood up quickly and read the prescription.

Then, her eyes widened, and she read it again.

I couldn't exactly blame her when rolled around on the ground, laughing.

Ranger quickly grabbed the paper from her hand and, glowering, shoved it at the innocent pharmacist.

Carla, wiping tears away from her eyes, held out her hand for mine. I handed it to her.

She was Batman's sister, after all.

Carla saw my similiar prescription, and laughed harder.

"Let me get this straight," she burst out finally, "Ric, you gave her.. whatever?"

Ranger turned his glare from her to me.

"No."

Carla looked confused a moment, then let out another episode of laughter.

"So-" she turned to me, still struggling to talk, "you gave my _brother.."_

I nodded feebily.

Carla lost what little she had left.

"Poison ivy," Ranger said icily. He took my prescription from my hand and handed it over to the pharmacist.

"Ah _shit_," Carla groaned, finally standing, "This is too much.."

She straightened and held out her hand. "Anyway, I'm Carla Perez.. It seems Ricky forgot to introduce us properly, though all he ever talks about is you."

I took her hand, blushing, while looking at Ranger.

He stared straight ahead, an innocent expression on his face.

My ass.

The pharmacist stuck her head out over the little counter-window thing.

"Ricardo Manoso, Stephanie Plum, your prescriptions are ready."

Carla burst out in laughter again. Ranger, pointedly ignoring her, grabbed both of our bags.

"Stephanie and I are leaving now," he announced.

Carla got an evil gleam in her eye.

Oh shit..

"Nuh-uh-uh, Ricky."

If looks could kill, Carla's small intestine would be somewhere in California.

"Yes, Carla."

Carla jumped in front of him, the gleam still in her eye.

"Oh, no no no. Not until-" she turned to me, smirking, "Not until she meets the family. Dinner should be ready any time now, and like it or not, little bro, you're both going."

Wait.

Meet the family?

Oh _shiiiit.

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**Okie dokie, I still think this is kinda plotless to me, but it's a lousy attempt to make ya'll laugh.. S'somethin' I'm nornally pretty good at doin', only a lot of times there are a few posts/walls/holes in the ground and a few self-inflicted though honestly accidental injuries involved..**

**Show me some love and reviewwww!**

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	5. Meet the Family

**Grr. Agh. Gah. Grawr. Arrrrg. Dang. Crap. Growl. -kicks my computer-**

**Well, I was true to my word, and I was writin this chapter.. when my computer decided to die, which caused me to lose the whole thing.. and I was so close too :(**

**But anyway, that's why it took so long for me to update (because I got in the shower after that.. sue me, i smelled.) ahh made me wanna kick somethin.. and i did.. i hope i didn't give my brother too big of a bruise.**

**Anyway, for your viewing pleasure, I give youuuuu...

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Dinner.

With the Batfamily.

I was _screwed._

"Dinner?" I said weakly.

Carla's grin got wider.

"Dinner." She turned back to the Halmark Cards she had been looking at, picked one up, and headed over to the small check-out area.

"Dinner," I whispered.

Ranger put his hand on my shoulder. "This shouldn't take too long.. We'll eat and get out."

"_Dinner_."

He flashed me a full on grin. "Dinner with my family won't kill you, Babe."

Oh yeah? One Ranger is scary enough.

I wonder if they're are any more guys..

"I have two sisters and three brothers," he said calmly.

My eyes widened.

Oh shiiiit.

"Okay, come on you two." Carla, fitting into the bossy-big-sister role perfectly, pulled Ranger and meout into the parking lot.

"Don't daretryand get away," she told Ranger strictly.

I couldn't believe it.

This might be more fun than I thought..

Ranger took off driving, following Carla's silver convertible, when all too soon we were at a two-story white house. Not too big, but probably about four times bigger than my apartment.

"Let's get this over with," Ranger muttered, more to himself than to me.

I grinned at his.. normalness.. and jumped out.

Carla grabbed me with one arm, and Ranger with the other.

"Let's go, Stephanie, Ricky."

She led us through the chain-link gate, and up the walk.

"In," she commanded Ranger.

She allowed me to come in, then slammed the door loudly.

"I'M HERE!" She yelled, "AND LOOK WHO I BROUGHT WITH ME!"

Several things happened at once.

First, a boy of about five ran out from the kitchen, yelling "Uncle Ricky!". A woman ran out after him, smiling. She had a toddler attatched to her leg, but she did not seem to notice. Following her was a handsome man, probably not any older than Ranger.

"Hey Ricky," the man grinned, flashing that familiar 200 watt smile. He and Ranger did some kind of complicated hand shake that I have never been able to get the hang of. Then, while Ranger was hugging the woman, the man turned to me.

"You must be the infamous Stephanie." He held out his hand. Hesitantly, I shook it.

"Stephanie, this is my brother Diego," said Ranger. "This is Chris-" He waved his hand at the little boy, "and Lissie." He pointed to the little girl, still clinging to the woman's leg.

"And this," he said, wrapping his arm around both my and the woman's shoulder, "is my little sister, Tia."

Tia smiled at me and gave me a friendly hug. "Chris and Lissie are mine," she explained.

I instantly liked Tia at once.

Who would have thought it.. Batman had a family.

"Let them in, let them in." Carla all but shouted to be heard over the noise. Ranger's brother -- Diego -- helped us clear a path to the kitchen.

"Hola _Madre_," Ranger called out.

An older woman, the spitting image of Carla, ran out of the kitchen, apron in place. "Ricky!" She enveloped him in a hug, that he quickly returned, glancing over her short head at me to see how I was taking all of this.

I loved it.

"Stephanie, this is my mother. Madre, this is Stephanie Plum."

Something -- surprise? -- dawned on Ranger's mother's face as she took my head in her hands and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Hello, my dear," she said kindly. "You may call me Bella," she smiled.

"Stephanie, would you like to help me prepare for dinner?" Tia asked, ignoring Ranger's sharp look.

I knew I was going in for evaluation.

"Okay," I replied, smiling slightly at Ranger's expression.

Let him be the one who worries, for once.

"So, Stephanie," Tia said, after directing me on how to stir the ladle. (I'm not the greatest cook.)

"Steph," I corrected her.

Tia smiled. "Steph," she agreed. "How long have you known Ric?"

Here we go.

"Um, about three years." (**A/N : I have absolutely no time line on when this takes place, and it doesn't really matter what book it's after, because you don't need to've read them to understand this, really, so three was a random number**.)

Tia's eyebrows shot up. "Three years?"

I nodded. "How old are you?" I asked her suddenly. She didn't look a day over 22, but I knew she had to be older, for Chris to be hers.

She laughed, and when she opened her eyes they were sparkling. "I'm twenty-seven, but I feel like I'm about fourty." Her eyes, still sparkling, turned curious.

"And you?"

I bit my lip. "Thirty-three," I said unwillingly.

Tia grinned. "Has Ricky told you how old he is?"

Our discussion was cut off by Diego sticking his head in. "Craig is here, and we're hungry, woman. Feed us!"

Tia laughed and flung an un-used wooden spoon at him. "We're _coming_." She rolled her eyes and grinned.

"Ric has told us a lot about you," she said, watching me closely as I turned the ladle absently.

"Like?" I was curious.

Batman told his family about me?

Tia's grin grew to its full 200 watts. "Well, the cars, the funeral home, the crazy family.."

"That wasn't my fault," I said automatically, but I still wasn't over the shock.

Batman

told his family

about me?

Tia let out her musical laugh and looked up when Bella entered the room.

"Well, Tia, Stephanie, I believe the boys are ready to stampede us," she said, her lightheartedness similiar to Tia's. She handed me a platter to carry out, while Tia carried a huge bowl.

"Is it only Diego, Ranger, Carla, the kids and us?" I asked, curious at the word 'boys.'

Bella laughed. "Oh no, dear, my other two sons, their wives and children, and Carla's husband are also here."

Oh _shiiit._

A houseful ofBat-People.

And a Bombshell Bounty Hunter.

This oughtta be interesting.

"Well, let's get this show on the road," Tia said brightly, smiling at me, though her eyes were examining me.

I nodded vaguelly ("Let's..") and followed her out to the waiting roomful of Bat-Family.

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**Again, sorry it took so long, and I know this chapter wasn't really that funny, but it was a building-up chapter, ya know? Anyway, don't murder me for taking so long.. I need some suggestions for the other two brother's names, cuz i'm stumped. My own lil brother made up "Diego" and "Craig".. who is, by the way, Carla's husband..**

**Anyway, Review review review!**

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	6. Hells Bells

**Disclaimer : You oughtta know the routine by now. I'm in a grouchy mood, so I had to take awhile to write this so it didn't come out.. grouchyish. I don't know yet, but I think I'm going to HAVE to throw in some kind of pseudo-stalker somewhere. I mean, after all, it's not a true Plum story without it, is it? But don't worry, I'll make the stalker something.. un-stalkish. I dunno. Any suggestions about.. well.. anything.. will be GREATLY APPRECIATED.**

**I went with the name "Antonio", or "Tony" for the mystery brother, because that's the most popular name I got. I got a few reviews telling me that I got Ranger's siblings wrong (Celia, the other random 3 sisters, and the brother), but in order for this story to work out, i needed two brothers.. and so i substituted a brother for a sister. Who knows, maybe one had a sex change. I dunno. But for this story, the siblings are, in this order : Carla Diego Ricardo Tia Antonio. I'm sorry if the sibling-sex-change-and-name screwed up your day. Mah bad. But again, like one of my reviewers said, this is a fan fiction.**

**One last thing to address before I start this show.. HEY BOWLINGFORSHRIMP, UPDATE YOUR JAMIE STORIES! i'll make you a deal. I'll trade you Carla for Jamie. Jamie's the shit. **

**And awayyyyyyyyy we goooo..

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"It's about damn time, woman!" called out Diego to Tia as she sat down her bowl in front of him. She rolled her eyes again, then turned to me.

"Go ahead and sit here," she said, pulling out a chair. I thanked her, then looked around..

and nearly had a heart attack.

Beside Deigo, a mini-Ranger stared at me.

I'm not shitting you.

I'm wasn't hallucinating,

I wasn't psycho.

The Ranger-Clone looked to be in his early twenties, but Tia did as well, so that proved I was not a good judge at age.

I'd be willing to give up good money to bet that this was the little brother of Ranger.

To Batman Jr.'s right, sat Chris, and to his right was a man who looked nothing like the family.

"Steph," said Tia, noticing my slight tilt of the head while looking at the man, "This is Carla's husband, Craig."

The man looked up and smiled slightly. "It's nice to finally meet you, Ms. Plum," he said politely.

I did not let the "finally meet you" slip my mind.

How much had Ranger told them about me, anyway?

Made me nervous.

I mean, come on, cut me some slack : I had the right to be.

It's not every day that a woman gets to go home and meet Batman's family.

Tia went through and introduced me to about a million cousins, Batman Jr. (who turned out to be named Tony), and an aunt and uncle.

If my family went through this every night, I would have _died._

She came to a stop on an old, wrinkly woman sitting beside Ranger, who was across from me.

"Steph, this is Grandmother Maria."

There was silence as Grandmother Maria's eyes swept over me. She turned to Ranger and spoke rapidly in Spanish. He answered her just as rapidly.

This continued for what seemed like hours, though I'm sure it was only seconds. I began to grow nervous, but relaxed when Tia grinned at me.

"Grandmother Maria doesn't speak English," she explained, "but she says to tell you to treat her grandson right.. loosely interpreted."

Loosely interpreted? Uh, okay. **(A/N : I'm too lazy to look up how to spell that I word, but interpreted looks closest to the correct spelling, and if i stare/say a word for too long, nothing about the word sounds right.. so humor me.)**

I was not sure how to answer her. Diego seemed to see how uncomfortable I was, because he immediately came to my rescue.

"Okay, enough drilling of Steph for now, I'm hungry. Let's eat."

Jesus Christ, Batman and Superman are brothers.

He flashed a grin at me, but said nothing, and nobody else seemed to notice.

"Let the games begin," Ranger muttered. I looked up to him in confusion.

He smiled slightly and subtly held up his five fingers. He put one down, leaving four.

Three.

Two..

"LISSIE YOU SPILLED YOUR DRINK ALL OVER ME!"

"Did not."

"Did too."

"DID NOT!"

"SHUT UP!"

This came from Carla, who was, of course, ignored.

"_DID TOO_!"

"_DID NOT_!"

"Lissie, Chris, be quiet," commanded Tia. She too, was ignored.

"I hate you Lissie."

"No you don't."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"DO _TOO_!"

Grandmother Maria suddenly began rapidly letting out streams of Spanish, but nobody seemed to be paying attention.

Amid all this, Ranger, Diego, Tony, Bella, Craig, Carla, and Tia seemed to be unaffected, and continued eating, speaking only when the volume got so loud that the windows threatened to break.

My eyes were wide.

And Ranger gave _me_ a hard time about my family.

"Having fun?" yelled out Diego over the noise. He grinned at me. Ranger had his eyes closed and his fingers rubbing his temples.

"Loads," I muttered, but somehow Diego heard me. He laughed, then ducked as a sippy-cup came flying his way.

"MOM, SHE THREW HER CUP AT ME."

"DID _NOT_."

"DID _TOO_."

Tia's posture was now similiar to Ranger's, but the others still were calm.

And Ranger gave _me._

A hard time.

About my family.

_Ha_. Haha.

"_Mom_!"

"Be quiet." Ranger finally spoke to his neice and nephew, who shut up immediately.

Well, hells bells.

Diego shook his head. "I think you ruined Stephanie's entertainment, Ricky." Laughing, Diego stood up.

The rest followed his example.

Ranger remained silent, looking from Diego back to me. He shook his head.

"I hate to say it, but Steph and I have to go."

His announcement was greeted with a chorus of groans.

"Come _on,_ Ricky," Carla said, "It's only seven. Don't you think Steph would be interested in some old childhood tales?"

Ooo.

Now we're getting somewhere.

"No," Ranger said sharply, although something in his eyes -- fear? -- made me grin.

"Actually," I piped up, "I don't see why we should leave so early. Shouldn't we visit first?"

The glare Ranger shot me right then would have, under normal circumstances, caused me to run out of the room and hide under the nearest desk.

However, under the protection of the Bat-Crew, it just made me laugh.

Ranger sat back down in his chair with a sigh. "Thirty minutes," he said, looking from me to Carla to Tia, then back to me.

Carla and Tia nodded, then grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room.

The led me up the stairs and to a room on the right. I could tell it used to be a teenager's room; but now there were family pictures and other things put up to attempt to cover up that fact. Carla and I sat down on the bed while Tia searched through her drawers.

"Taa daa!" She laughed, throwing a rather large photo album down beside Carla and me.

Photo album?

Oh _hell _yeah.

Payback time.

This was gonna be good.

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**Again, I know ya'll are probably getting frustrated with my slow updating, but at least I get one-two chapters in daily, which is damn good for my lazy arse. Show me some love anddddd.. (you probably know what i'm about to type.. if not..**

**here ya go..)**

**Review!**

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	7. Rodeo Ranger

**Disclaimer : Yup, Mhm, I'm Janet Evanovich, Hear Me Roar! You know the drill.. none of this 'cept the random people are mine, and i'd be willing to trade you them for a bag of cookies.**

**Um, thanks toeveryone who has reviewed and is keeping up with the story.. Bowlingforshrimp, Cokkii, wanttowrite, Hunnybunch, Jess.. Thank yaz! And, thanks to AznBeez for the whole Bat-Talk idea.. and in this story, Steph is only a "friend". Although, if I was a guy, and the chick I slept with gave me poison ivy and caused me to be embarrassed like the poor torture Ranger is going through in my fic, I think I'd have to pull a Tank and throw her out the window. But then, that's just me.**

**Uhhh.. still open to any ideas.. I wrote the rough draft to this chapter while I was at school, so it's probably loaded full of mistakes.. but ah well. Here ya goooo..**

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"Okay, let's see here," Carla muttered, flipping through the pages. She finally stopped at one, and I my jaw dropped.

Batman was a baby.

A small baby, still in the hospital. He had a headful of hair, and the _cutest_ little cheeks ever!

Tia grinned at my expression, and turned the page.

I swear, I might have fallen off the bed laughing if Carla weren't there to hold me up.

Ranger -- big, bad, Batman Ranger -- was sitting in a chair, a baby in his lap. Ranger was about five years old, and the baby was obviously a newborn.

"Thazzme," Tia laughed, pointing at the baby.

"Tia was always Ricky's favorite," Carla piped up. "I didn't care for her, but she's always had Ric wrapped around her little finger."

Tia burst out laughing, her dark curls flying everywhere. "That's not true," she said.

Carla rolled her eyes at her sister. "It is," she retorted. "The day Tia got her driver's license, Ricky had a brand new Porsche waiting for her. The day she turned eighteen, he gave her a thousand dollars in cash to spend on anything she damn well pleased. The day Tia made her first_ freakin'_ soccer goal, Ricky all but had her name put in the freakin' paper."

Holy shit.

Ranger -- big bad boy Ranger -- was _whipped_.

With a capital freakin W.

Thank _God_ for blackmail.

"Not true!" Tia exlaimed, her eyes bright from laughter. "The Porsche was a birthday present, not a driver's license present, and the thousand dollars was for college. And Carla, sweetie, I don't play soccer."

I sat there, watching them playfully argue, and couldn't help but wonder what Ranger was really like when I wasn't around him.

"Hey," I said suddenly, an idea coming to my head, "You don't happen to have any home-videos do you?"

Carla looked at Tia.

Tia looked at me.

I looked at Carla.

We all three beamed.

"To the VCR!" Tia exlaimed.

We ran back down stairs and met up with the guys in the living room.

"No," Ranger said, in a voice that sounded almost like desperation. "No videos."

I grinned. Ranger was scared I was going to find out he wasn't a macho man.

It was hilarious.

"Yup," said Carla defiantly. "Videos."

Ranger -- my big, strong, calm Ranger -- groaned loudly. "Shoot me," he murmered to himself.

_Ha_. Haha.

Payback time, bitches.

Diego made a gun with his fingers and said, "Pow." Then, grinning, he turned to me.

"So, Stephanie," he said gleefully, "We have the video of Ricky's third Christmas, or the video of Ricky's eighth birthday party, or the video of Ricky's first ride on a horse-"

"A horse?"

I couldn't picture it.

Ranger, on a horse.

It made me fall down onto the couch in laughter.

Diego plopped down beside me. "The horsey it is, then," he laughed. Tia took the video from him and slid it into the VCR. A few minutes later, a nine-year-old Diego appeared on the screen.

"Hola!" he hollared into the camera. Whoever was holding the camera obviously cringed, which made Diego laugh harder. In the background, a toddler -- Tia? -- and a ten year old Carla were walking around. The camera swung around and, right in front of the view, stood a HUGE ASS horse.

I mean, a huge horse, not a horse with a big ass..

"Come on," called out young-Diego. "Don't tell me you're afraid of a horse, Ricky."

Then, seven-year-old Ranger, dressed in blue jeans and a cowboy shirt, outfit complete with chaps, came into view. He was being held on the shoulders of a tall, muscular man who looked a lot like Diego did now.

I looked over at Ranger, to see how he was taking all this.

I mean, after all, his Batman reputation was officially ruined now.

Nothing he tried to do would make me scared of him like I had been.

His biggest weapon went poof.

Capow. Boom.

It made me laugh.

Ranger had his head in his hands, rubbing his temples, similiar to how he had been at dinner. He looked up to see me staring at him, and he gave me a pointed, rather tortured look.

I giggled and gave him a little finger wave, then turned back to the TV.

By now, Ranger was mounted on the horse, along with the bigger-version-of-Diego.

"Our father," Diego whispered into my ear. Great. Superman has ESP as well.

Diego grinned at me, put his arm on the back of the couch, and turned his head back to the video.

"Giddy up," Young-Ranger hollered, only, have you ever heard a seven year old holler? I laughed at his cute voice.

Wait a minute.

I just thought of Ranger as "cute".

What the _hell_ is this world coming to?

While I was laughing and pondering the world's fate, I felt eyes on me. I turned my head and saw Tony staring at me. Our eyes locked, and suddenly I realized that I couldn't move. I struggled to pull my eyes away, but the connection did not break until, with a slightly upturned smile, Tony looked away.

Well then. That was a little weird.

Batman, Superman, and Darth Vader are brothers.

Beside me, Diego snorted. "Batman, Superman, and Darth Vader?" he asked, laughing. The others turned to us with curious eyes.

_Dammit._

I hate it when I think out loud.

"Um.."

I gave Ranger a look saying "Help!"

He smirked.

"Why don't you explain to them, Babe?"

Damn him and his Cuban sex-godness.

"Uh.."

Great. The Bat Family all stared at me, waiting on an explanation.

I was royally _screwed_.

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**Mmkie dokie, You know the drill..**

**Review!**

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	8. Conversations Among God and Others

**Disclaimer : I do not own this. **

**This chapter was originally written to be two seperate chapters, but I decided since the chapters were so short, I would put them together. We're FINALLY getting to the plot of the story, but don't worry, it will still be humorous.. although I'm not sure, but I think I may add A LITTLE BIT of sadness/angst in it.. but I don't know. I'm in a grouchy mood, so that may be why I want to do that. But any suggestions are extremely appreciated and will be listened to/read.**

**Here ya go, for the longest chapter in Amberized history :**

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The others still looked at me expantantly.

"Um, right, well.. Ranger-is-known-to-me-and-all-the-others-as-Batman-because-he's-scary-and-mysterious-and-has-cool-cars-and-yeah."

I breathed while the others tried to figure out what I said.

"Okay, so Ricky is Batman," Diego grinned. "Who am I?"

"Superman," I muttered. I'm sure my cheeks were red as an apple.

"What was that?" Diego smirked, propping his legs on the coffee table in front of him.

"Erm.. Superman."

Tia, Carla, and Diego roared with laughter. I avoided looking at Tony, but I knew he was probably doing that Manoso-half-smile thing.

Kinda gets annoyin' sometimes, really.

Ranger, however, had his eyebrows raised.

"What about Tony?" Ranger asked, his voice calm. They quieted down, like they knew a secret that I wasn't supposed to hear.

I hate it when people do that.

"Um.." I trailed off. I didn't exactly think they would appreciate me calling their brother the spawn of the dark side, but..

"Well?"

It was the first time I had heard Tony speak. His voice sounded similiar to Ranger's, although his tone was harsh.

Ranger did not say anything to defend me, and both Tia and Carla were silent. Diego, who was sitting beside me, was watching me carefully.

"Uh.."

Again, Superman saved the day.

"Aww, lighten up on the poor girl," Diego said, wrapping an arm around me. I noticed something flash over Ranger's face -- jealousy? -- but it was instantly squashed.

The awkwardness was instantly gone, as well. Craig chose that moment to come in from the kitchen with the others and ask if Carla was ready to leave. After she answered yes, everyone else rushed to get out of there as well.

"Thanks," I whispered to Diego, who still had his arm dangling on my shoulder.

"No prob," he muttered back, giving my shoulder a squeeze, and then, like the smoke/wind/whatever, he was gone. In his place was Tony.

I think I shit my pants.

"Um.." I said. I wasn't sure what to say to him -- he seemed..

well..

weird.

"What's my nickname?" he asked, his face a mask of boredom.

I bit my lip. "Uh.."

"Steph, come on," called out Ranger. I turned back to say goodbye to Tony, but like his brothers, he had dissapeared.

We said goodbye to all of Ranger's family, promised to visit soon, and were soon on our way.

"So." I kept my voice light, knowing I was not on Ranger's good side.

"So," he replied.

I searched for a good topic to speak of. "Um, your sisters, they're friendly."

He looked at me for a moment, seeming to forget about the road. "And my brothers?"

Uh, shit.

"Um.. Diego is nice, I like him." I did not fail to notice the fact that, when I made this comment, Ranger's knuckles had gripped the steering wheel.

"And Tony?" He kept his voice calm, but I wasn't fooled.

"Tony.. um.. he didn't talk much."

Ranger stared at me a moment, nodded, and turned his attention back to the road. After a few minutes of silence, I figured he was in his zone, so I turned my head to the window.

"Diego isn't always like that," Ranger said suddenly, making me jump about three feet into the air.

"Like what?"

Diego had not been a person I was worrying about; it was Tony who scared the shit out of me.

"Superman. Don't let him become that image in your head."

We rode along in silence for a little longer.

"Where are Chris and Lissie's father?" I asked suddenly, not thinking about my question.

Shit.

Ranger did not seem offended, however. "Gone," he said simply.

I waited for more answers, but he did not give me any.

But, of course, I had one more question, the most important of all.

"Why was Tony so.. hostile?"

"Tony is Tony," he said, and we rode home in silence the rest of the way.

"That ointment is working," I commented later that night. "I barely feel a thing now."

"Mhm." Obviously, Ranger was still mad at me for the photos and home videos.

I rolled my eyes and groaned. Then, I stood up, pushed the table away from his chair, and sat in his lap.

I wanted to say, "Look, Ranger, get over yourself. Everyone gets embarrassed, it's about damn time you join the club."

Instead, I leaned my head against his shoulder. His arms went around my waist. "Mad at me?" I muttered, moving my lips against his neck.

"Not if you keep doing that," he said gruffily.

I felt like I was about to melt.

I opened my mouth to reply, when a loud "bang" and a huge burst of fire erupted from about ten feet away from us.

"Shit." He grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the hallway. After he pulled out his handy dandy remote and hit a red button on the top, sirens started wailing.

"Come on," he said, pushing open the doors for the stairs and taking two at a time, dragging me the whole way. We did not stop until we were in the Control Room, where all the RangeMan guys were scrambling around. Sirens wailed from outside, and in no time at all, the fire was put out and I was sitting on the ground outside of the building, waiting for Ranger to get back from giving his statement.

Well, shit.

I can't go a FRICKING month without SOMETHING blowing up. What the FRICK.

I stood up, stomped my foot on the ground, and gave God the Finger.

"Take that," I muttered, then retreated back into my land of fabulous denial.

Of course, God would not let me get away with that, because as soon as I sat back down, I felt a sharp pain in my back, almost like I had stabbed myself with a sewing needle.

I was reaching around to investigate when I heard someone calling my name.

"Bombshell," called out Lester.

If he were anyone else, I would've kissed him.

"Thanks," I murmered, but made no attempt to get them from him.

For some reason, I just felt.. tired.

And dizzy.

And all-out sick.

"God really does hate me," was the last thing I muttered before passing out.

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	9. Childhood Fears

**S'not mine.**

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"Arg." I felt like I was swimming in a sea of black. Random things flashed by me, but I didn't see any light.

"Dammit," I muttered, opening my eyes.

Ranger's face was about three inches away from me. "Ah!" I screamed hoarsly, and slammed my eyes shut again.

Fuckin' cruel people. Nobody wants to wake up to find someone else's face that close, even if it is Batman's.

"I'll pretend like that wasn't an insult," Ranger said, prying open my eyes.

Right. Do that.

"Wha happen?" I mumbled, sitting up. I immediately regretted it, because the sky started to spin.

"Uhhh," I groaned. Ranger's hand was entangled in my hair, and he set my head down on his lap.

If I had been in any other situation, I would have commented on how sweet that gesture could be considered.

As it was, I felt like I was going to puke.

"Damn you, God," I muttered. Ranger handed me a bottle of water.

On second thought, maybe God isn't as mean as I thought.

"Thanks," I croaked, taking a slow sip. I promptly turned around and spit it out.

All over Ranger.

Shit.

"I am so sorry," I choked out, avoiding looking at where the water had hit.

Thanks to me, Ranger looked like he had peed his pants.

I took back my earlier good-believe about God.

Ranger looked down at me, then at his pants. He shook his head.

I guess some subjects are better left untouched.

"So, what happened?" I asked again. With Ranger's aid, I sat up and leaned against him.

"You were injected with a sedative," Tank said from somewhere out of my vision, probably behind me.

God damn it.

"JUST FUCKING GREAT!" I yelled. "Another GOD DAMNED STALKER on my hands!"

If I was able to stand, I would have kicked somebody, or something.

I settled for twiddling my thumbs, fast.

"Uh, Steph," Lester said, coming into my view. "You're giving me a headache, doing your thumbs like that."

I ignored him.

"Did you see who did it?" I asked.

I noticed Ranger exchange a glance with Lester, and then with someone behind me, probably Tank.

"Babe," Ranger said slowly. Because I was leaning against him with my head on his chest, I could feel the rumbling of his voice.

It made me want to go back to sleep.

"Steph?" This from Lester.

Shut the hell up and let me sleep, Donuthole.

"What."

"What is one of your biggest childhood fears?" Ranger asked.

"Clowns," I answered immediately.

The things scared the shit out of me, and always have. Homos and transies have never bothered me. I'm not scared of psycho stalkers or bullets, or even my car blowing up.

But clowns are fricking scary.

"Why?" I asked them, my eyes half shut.

They remained silent. I opened my eyes fully, looking from Tank's solemn face to Ranger's calm mask, to Lester's half-hidden grin.

Oh shit.

"You're telling me.."

The three nodded.

Well, isn't that fuckin' peachy.

I'm being stalked by a clown.

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	10. Clowns

**Disclaimer : S'not mine. I just borrow the characters for my twisted sense of entertainment.**

**Sorry for not updatin.. i just kinda got bored with the story, and then I never really could get in the sugar-high mood needed for me to write this.. but.. lmao.. tonight i'm bouncing off the freakin' walls, so here ya goooooooooooo

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**

A few days had passed since I had recieved word that I was being stalked by my childhood fear. Ranger had stuck a guy on me at all times, told me the hours I could and couldn't be out of the RangeMan building, and basically went overboard on every other security measure possible.

But as far as I was concerned, he could ship me to butt-fucked-egypt. I didn't care, as long as he protected me from them goddamn clowns.

Meanwhile, I was taking my own security measures. At the suggestion of Lula, I began carrying around silly string in my purse, right beside my pepper spray.

"Them clowns don't like that silly string," she had said. Connie had nodded in agreement, and Mary Lou had told me no different.

So now, my newest weapons were blue, red, and purple silly string.

Bring it on, clown bitches.

So, to get back to the point, I had decided enough is enough, and, my Merry Man Shadow behind me, picked up Lula and went shopping.

Naturally, the one I get stuck with is Lester.

He was a pretty good spirit the first few stores. He began to slack when we journeyed (however the fuck you spell that) into Macy's and Penny's.

He drew the line at Victoria's Secret.

"No way," he said, hands in the defensive pose. "No way in hell, Bomber."

"Oh come on," I growled, tugging on his arm. He still refused, so I decided to pull out the big guns.

"Look," I said sharply, "I am having a bitchy day. My hair will not cooperate, my bra straps keep falling down, I have PMS, and I have a freakin' CLOWN STALKER after my ass. So look, _Lessie_, I need this shopping. It's theraputic. You can either stand outside of the store looking in at us, which, by the way, would make you totally look like both an idiot and a pervert, or, you can DO YOUR JOB and come scare away the evil clown guys. So, make your decision, but _God help me,_ I am going to buy me some damn lingerie."

With this said, I stomped into the store. Behind me, I knew Lester was weighing his options. Face a roomful of women and underwear, or face Ranger when some clown eats me.

I guess the underwear won over, because he grudgingly entered behind me. He was muttering under his breath, but all I caught were "..whipped.." and "..don't get paid near enough for this.."

Lester remained silent as Lula and I compared, discussed, and shopped. He didn't complain about the fact that I changed my mind over one pair of boyshorts three times.

But all good things must come to an end.

Like I said, he had kept his mouth shut the entire time, until he saw the bill.

"Jesus Christ, Bombshell," he swore, "How the hell do you spend that much on something that nobody will ever see?"

"Hell boy," Lula chuckled, "You can see me in 'em anyday."

This not only caused Lester to shut his trap, but to speed up his walking.

I'd have to remember that.

"Aw, come on," Lula called out to him. Lester shot me a 'HELP!' look.

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders.

"So, Lester," Lula said conversationally, "Do you wear tighty-whities? Tank doesn't, and I kno' Ranger doesn't."

"Les wears tighty-whities," I cut in. "I've seen his laundry basket before."

Lula whistled and fanned herself. "Hawt dayumn," she grinned.

Calmly, Lester spoke. "If you'll excuse us for a moment, Lula," he said politely. Lula shrugged, so he all but drug me out of sight and pushed me against a wall.

If I hadn't have been scared for my life, I would have been seriously turned on.

As it was, the look in Lester's eye was not one of lust, but of annoyance.

"Bombshell," he groaned, "I cannot, repeat, _cannot_ take five more minutes of that.. that.. _thing_." He jerked his head towards Lula's direction for emphasis. "Now, I know I have a certain level of pride to maintain, but Jesus, Steph, I am _begging_ you, can we _please_ get out of here before I murder either her or myself? Because right now, life in prison sounds like a _damn good_ alternative to me."

I glared at him, then lost it. It was a good thing he had an arm on each side of me, against the wall, because I fell forwards in laughter. Lester glared at me, then, with one arm around my waist, pulled me back to Lula.

"Steph has decided we should leave," he said, his voice still polite. Lula rolled her eyes at me, but didn't put up much of a fight. We stopped at the entrancefor Lester to go get the car. While we were waiting, I tripped over somebody's feet.

"Oh, I'm so-"

The thing that stared back at me, with a grin on its face, caused me to almost faint.

A clown.

I kid you not, a freaking _clown_.

Holy freakin' crap.

"_Lest_-"

The clown clamped his hand over my mouth. "Hello," it said.

I bit its hand, spit, and screamed.

"Don't worry girl, I'll get that bas-"

Lula tripped over her shopping bags and stunned herself.

"Well, Miss Stephanie," the clown said. I reached into my purse for the silly string. "I hope you have a good day," he/she/it chuckled.

"_Arrrrrrr_!" I yelled, bringing the spray up and spraying it in the face. Out of reflex, it covered its eyes, then, when it realized it was only silly string, it knocked the can outta my hand.

Well screw that, then.

"Be careful, girly," it said in my ear as Lester, Tank, Bobby, and Ranger came running up towards me.

The clown looked me over one more time, then spit a huge luigee (sp) onto my brand new shoes.

"Asshole!" I screamed. He pushed me down onto Lula, who padded my fall considerably. Then, he was gone.

I plopped down on my ass and sat there in a stunned silence for a few minutes, while Ranger and the other Merry Men hovered around me.

Then, it hit me.

Holy fucking shit.

I had just gotten spit on by a clown.

A goddamned _clown_.

Naturally, I did the first thing I could think of doing.

I screamed bloody murder.

"Ba-Steph!" Ranger looked at me strangely, and I knew I had to've confused him.

"CLOWN COOTIES!" I screamed shrilly, yanking off my RangeMan windbreaker. I continued to scream as I jumped up and ran around, trying desperately to shake the spit off of me.

Meanwhile, the Merry Men, including Ranger, were on the ground in laughter.

Still screaming, I stomped over to the one who was supposed to be saving me from the things, and wiped the spit onto his arm. His laughter stopped as he looked at it, then me, then back at it.

Lester Santos was _not_ a happy camper.

While the others continued to laugh, he tried and failed to get the thing off of his shirt sleeve.

I knew I still had clown cooties on me, but the only way I could get them off was a shower, so, temporarily satisfied, I stopped screaming and sat back down on the ground.

"Finished?" Ranger asked me, holding out a hand to help me up.

"Spose," I said. I took his hand, then looked at Lula.

"What about her?"

He grinned at me. "I'll let Tank deal with her."

Well, hot damn. Lula would have a hernia.

"And what about the.. clown?"

At this, Ranger stepped closer to me. Nobody else even noticed the fact that Ranger now stood directly behind me, his hard body pressed against my back.

"I think I can take your mind off of that," he said huskily in my ear.

Ohh, shit.

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**Mkz.. you can thank Peanut butter and Jelly for this chapter, cuz without it, I wouldn't have been in the mood to write :P**

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	11. Batgirl

**Disclaimer : S'not mine. I just play with them. This time, my inspiration for writing was Eminem's goofy song "Lose It". I dunno, it's funny. and when i find somethin funny, I wanna write somethin. So, here ya go..**

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I woke up the next morning to find chocolate brown eyes from about two inches away staring at me.

Thing is, they weren't Ranger's.

"Holy shit!" I screamed, jumping up. I thanked the stars that I was still wearing my loose t-shirt and boyshorts.

Beside me, Ranger had jumped up as well, his expression nothing short of bewildered.

The person that had invaded my personal bubble space had jumped off the bed and onto the floor. "Ahh!" the person yelled.

Ranger pulled the person -- girl -- up and set her down beside me. Wordlessly, he strolled into the other room, leaving me defenseless with a twelve/thirteen year old girl that I knew immediately was his daughter.

"Um, hi," I said cautiously, sliding over as far as I could without falling off the bed.

"Hi," the girl said, doing the same on the opposite side.

Now, don't get me wrong. Kids don't scare me, though I have a tendancy to avoid them. But this wasn't any kid -- this was the spawn of Batman.

We sat there awkwardly fora few minutes, until we heard a yell from the other room.

I looked at the girl.

She looked at me.

Together, we crept over to the door and put our ear against it.

"..No other choice, Ric."

"Bullshit, Rina-"

I watched the girl as her face grew angry. Her eyes were a black pool, similiar to Ranger when he gets mad, and then she shoved open the door.

"You two are fighting over me again?" she yelled. "God, grow up!"

Ranger and his wife both froze. My eyes were wider than a plate.

"Dri," Ranger's ex -- Rina? -- warned.

The girl glared at her, then turned to Ranger. "Guess what, Dad," she said, her voice calm. "I'm moving in here for the next six months. Is that okay? Yeah? Good, love you too."

Well, the kid does have spunk, even if that spunk is what will earn her a death wish.

Ranger shot her a look, then looked from Rina to me. "Stephanie," he said. "Do me a favor and take Adriel down to the gym."

"I don't want to go to the gym," his daughter protested. He gave her a sharper look than before, and she rolled her eyes, but gave in.

"Fine," she sighed. "Whatever."

I allowed myself to be drug from Ranger's apartment and into the elevator.

If I thought Ranger was scary when he was mad, I was in for a surprise.

I stood there, silent, as Adriel proceeded to bash around in the elevator. She shot the camera the bird, then unplugged it. She hit the "stop" button, then turned to me.

Oh, shit.

"Okay, so who are you and why were you in my father's bed?" she asked bluntly.

I did a good impersonation of a fish.

"If you don't answer me, I'm giong to take off my sock and shove it into your mouth," Adriel growled, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.

Bitch, please. Now, not only was I being stalked by a psycho clown, but I was being threatened by a little five-foot-one teenage brat.

Okay, helll no.

"That's between your father and I," I said, trying not to loose my cool. Who knows how dangerous Batgirl could be.

Adriel tapped her foot and stared at me, unblinking.

I stared back.

We stayed like this for a few more minutes, until I broke.

"Fine!" I threw my hands up in the air. Goddamn Batpeople and their freakin' Batstares. "Your dad and I are just friends, and I work for him-"

"So you're sleeping with your boss?"

Sheesh, could ya put it a lil more bitchy for me?

"Um, uh.."

Adriel shook her head. "Okay, so you're sleeping with my dad. You still haven't answered who you are."

I blushed. Damn this kid is good.

"Um, I'm Stephanie Plum-"

"Ah," she said, understanding in her eyes, followed by something else.. mischief? "You're the one who blew up that funeral home and over half of my dad's cars. And you put Tank in the hospital."

"Not my fault," I said at once. They knew about me in Miami?

"Nah," she said, using her inherited ESP powers. "My aunts and uncles were talking about you. Said you called them Bat-people?" She smirked. "So what am I?"

I blushed twelve shades of red. I was going to murder the Bat-family. It was probably Carla and Diego who had told her.

"Actually, the one who told me that was Tony," she said, using ESP again. "So don't chase the others down with a pitchfork just yet."

This got my attention. "Tony?" He had been the one who had all but ignord my very existence, and now he was talking about me to his neice?

Adriel waved her hand indifferently. "Yeah, Tony, now what am I?"

I ignored the question. "What did Tony say about me?"

Adriel narrowed her eyes at me, then rolled them and shrugged. "He said Dad brought you home for dinner, and that you tihnk he's an unstable nutcase, and that you gave Dad poison ivy on his-"

She was cut off by the sound of a cell phone ringing. "S'not mine," she said, leaning back against the wall again.

Putting aside the Tony conversation, I flipped open my cell phone. "Yeah?"

"Bomber?" It was Lester. "Everything okay in the elevator?"

I sighed. "Yeah, it's fine. Just having a discussion."

Lester chuckled. "Tell Dri not to be too hard on you. Boss's orders."

I hung up on him, then turned back to Adriel.

"They're worried that you're murdering me," I told her.

She grinned. "Yeah, the last girlfriend Dad had, I put laxatives in her food. Dad wasn't too happy about that, especially seeing how he ate the rest of what was on her plate. One bathroom just didn't cut it that night."

I almost fell to the ground laughing. "Who was the girlfriend?" I gasped.

Her grin dissapeared, and was replaced with a scowl. "Some bitch named Jean Ellen. Hated that ho."

Holy shit on a stick. This girl really did have a death wish.

"Damn, are you asking to die?" I asked, before I could stop myself.

Adriel stared at me for a few more seconds, then, "What's your favorite movie?"

"Ghostbusters," I answered quickly.

"Favorite place to eat lunch?"

"McDonalds."

"Most used weapon?"

"My purse."

She continued to fire questions at me, barely giving me time to answer, until finally, after "Who is your most favorite Loony Toon's character?" she nodded.

"Mmkay," she said. "I like you. You're good." With that, she hit the stop button again and we began to move.

Well hot damn.

I think I just got Batgirl's approval.

* * *

**Wellll there ya go. **

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	12. Bang

**Disclaimer : I don't own the characters, I just play with them.**

**This is, like, the longest chapter I've ever written, so ya'll better be happy :P Here we gooo**

* * *

"So why did your mom bring you here?" I asked her, watching as she ran on the treadmill.

Sweating, Adriel shrugged. "She's going on some secret government thing," she said, increasing her speed. I felt slightly jealous that a kid could run faster and longer than I could, but then again, this was Batman's kid, so she didn't really count.

"You never answered me, in the elevator," Adriel huffed, turning off the treadmill and sitting down on the side. I sat beside her.

"What was the question?"

"If Dad is Batman and Uncle D is Superman, what am I?"

I rolled my eyes, my cheeks flaring. "Uhh, well.. Batgirl."

Adriel mimicked my eye-rolling routine. "I've been called worse," she shrugged.

We sat there in silence, watching Bobby and some other employee that I didn't know wrestle around on the mat nearest us.

Connie and Lula both say I'm hella lucky, to work with these bunch of ex-army muscular body-builder hunks, but sometimes they scare the bejeevus out of me. Of course, they're a good thing to have around when there's a psycho clownerized stalker after you.

"So," Adriel said, stretching her legs out in front of her, "What did you think about my aunts and uncles?"

Oh shit.

"They were.. pleasant." Way to go Steph, we're talking about people here, not flowers.

Adriel snorted. "Right. You know, you're not a good liar. All of your emotions show on your face."

Oh really.

"Oh, so what are my emotions on them?"

"Well, according to your face, you found my family absolutely bonkers, and judging from earlier, you don't seem to like Tony too much. You haven't talked about Diego or Tia or Carla, but judging from your facial expressions just now as I said their names, I'm guessing you liked Diego, thought Tia was sweet, and thought Carla was bossy. But then, that's just my interpretations of your facial expressions."

Holy Christ. This kid is telopathic. ESP at it's goddamn finest.

"And now you're wearing an expression of admiration and surprise, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say, no, neither my father nor I have ESP, your face is just easy to read."

Well shit. Ranger's weapon is ruined.

"How old are you?" I asked her.

She frowned, then raised her eyebrow (how the hell do they do that?). "I'm twelve."

Christ. A twelve year old that is more philosophical than freakin' Yoda.

The world is going to hell in a handbasket.

"So," she said, changing the subject, "I heard from Les that you're being stalked by a.. clown?" She was frowning, though I didn't know why.

"Evil clowns," I muttered.

To my surprise, Adriel shuddered. "I agree. Clowns scare me."

I couldn't believe it. Batgirl was scared of clowns?

Maybe I'm not as weird as I thought.

"I got spit on by the clown yesterday," I said, shivering at the thought.

I can take rolling around in garbage, getting peed on by dogs, even getting "marked" by naked old men filled with Viagra.

But getting spit on by clowns draws the line.

"Ladies," said a voice from behind us. Both Adriel and I jumped, which caused us to get tangled up and fall to the floor.

"Dammit," I muttered, trying to un-tangle my hair from her headband. We stood up, still connected.

Ranger stood, looking down at us, silently shaking with laughter. Adriel glared at him while she, herself, tried to take her headband off.

"Don't sneak up on us like that," she shot, yanking the headband out. I unwrapped my hair from it, then she put it back in.

"Be more aware of-"

"Your surroundings, we know, we know," Adriel and I said together.

Holy shit, she's my twin.

Ranger raised an eyebrow at us, but did not comment. "Dri, your mother wants to talk to you, she's still upstairs."

Grumbling under her breath, Adriel left me with Batman.

"Bonding?" he asked with an almost-smile.

God, I hate how he does that.

"Up yours." I stomped out of the gym, him on my tail. When I reached the elevator, however, I realized I didn't know where I was planning on going.

Ranger seemed to, however, because he gave me the keys to one of the SUV's. "If you want to, go pick up the files for RangeMan from Vinnie's," he said.

I nodded and hit the "down" button on the elevator. A second later, the doors opened and I stepped in.

Ranger watched me as I stepped in.

"Try not to blow it up," he grinned. Before I could retaliate, the doors slammed shut.

DAMMIT.

Griping about bosses and bombs and Batman and pretty much anything else that came to mind, I stomped over to the SUV and got in. Within minutes, I was on my way to Vinnie's.

In the rearview mirror, I saw a black SUV similiar to mine. I rolled down my window and waved, then turned my attention to the radio.

As soon as I parked the SUV in Vinnie's lot, my tail parked beside me. I walked over to them and tapped on the window.

"Bombshell," said a grinning Lester. I looked over him and saw that Hal was driving.

"Hola," I said, then turned and entered the office.

"Hey white girl!" yelled a bored-looking Lula. She was, as always, decked out in spandex : today's colors were neon green and black.

"Where the hell have you been?" yelled Vinnie from his office.

"Dammit," Connie swore, moving objects on her desk around. "VINNIE," she yelled, "WHEN I FIND THAT BUG I'M GOIN TO SHOVE IT UP YOUR-"

She was interrupted by a big "bang" outside that caused everything to shake. The bang was followed by another "bang", which was followed by gunshots.

"Holy shit, we're under attack!" yelled Lula, throwing herself at me. While I was worried about not being squished by the 200 pound woman on top of me, a thing ran into the room with us from outside.

"CLOWN!" I screamed, hiding further under Lula. Lula looked at it, then at me.

"Sorry white girl," she said, and jumped up and ran, jiggling with every step.

Yeah, thanks.

The clown was about three feet away when it fell, a bullet through its scull. I screamed again, although the clown's body fell away from me. I looked behind me in time to see a very scary looking Connie put away her gun.

Jesus christ. Two encounters by clowns within two days.

I inched away from the body, until I was under Connie's desk.

Lula was staring, wide-eyed, at the body, and then at me. Connie was swearing a blue streak in Italian.

About two seconds after Connie broke her stream of curses for air, Ranger, Tank, Cal, Juinor, Bobby, and Woody all entered, guns drawn. They quickly looked over the scene, then all but Ranger exited.

"Christ, Stephanie," he groaned, pulling me close to him.

I froze. Ranger rarely showed me any emotion whatsoever whenever we were in front of people. Connie and Lula both stared at us, jaws slack.

Ranger gave them a nod, then, with his arm around my waist, steered me over to the uncomfortable couch near Vinnie's office door. He had me sit down, then he swung open Vinnie's door.

"Get out from under the desk," he ordered him. Vinnie was still zipping his pants when Ranger pushed him down on the opposite side of the couch.

"Connie," he said. She sat beside me, and Lula beside her.

"Don't move," he told us, and then he was gone.

We sat there in silence, distantly hearing the sirens. Ranger soon reappeared, this time with blood on his shirt.

"Oh my God!" I gasped. I had forgotten Lester and Hal.

"They will be okay," he said, knowing what I was thinking.

By now, my emotions were in dangerous zone. "Wh-what happened?" I asked him, my lip trembling.

I. Will. Not. Cry.

He pulled me into Vinnie's office, leaving the other three sitting on the couch. Then, he wrapped me in his arms, my head on his shoulder.

I couldn't help it.

The tears started streaming.

"I p-put even m-more of your m-men in the hospital," I sobbed, knowing full well that I was getting snot all over his painted-on shirt. "D-did the SUV blow up?"

He looked down at me, then nodded slowly. "Yours blew up, which caused Lester and Hal's to blow up. They weren't in the vehicle-" he said hastily, seeing my saucer-wide eyes, "They had gotten out and were walking around the building."

I sobbed harder. "I b-blew up a c-car and I wasn't e-even near it! H-how am I e-ever going to b-be a g-good bounty h-hunter? R-Rex deserves a b-better mother than me."

I knew as well as anyone else that Rex had nothing to do with it, but I felt I should throw that in as well. "S-stupid clowns," I cried.

I was not prepared for what Ranger did next.

He started laughing.

Hard.

"Babe," he groaned, laughing harder. I was revolted.

How could he laugh at a time like this?

I started to pull away, but he held me tighter. "I'm sorry," he said, chuckling.

"Hmph."

I would've argued more, but a shadow appeared in the doorway.

"Am I interrupting?"

* * *

**Weeeeee.. mk.. and I had trouble starting out the beginning of the chapter, so it starts out kinda dull and borin' but anyway**

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	13. Andy Martinez

**Disclaimer : Not mine! I just play with them. Although I'd love to have a Ranger-action figure. Or blowup doll, that works too.. **

**This chapter is not so much thinking and humor, but talking and explaining. I tried three times to add humor into it, but it wouldn't cooperate, so blame the popcorn I'm eating. I'd eat PB & J, but I ran out of bread.**

**Here ya goo..**

* * *

Ranger froze up, but he pulled me closer to him than before.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, holding me to the point that it hurt.

"Ranger," I whimpered. He looked down at me and loosened his grip slightly, then looked back at the man in the doorway.

In a lot of ways, the man looked like Ranger : dark skin, chocolate brown eyes, black hair, although this man's was short. He was about 6'3 or so, and probably weighed a little more than Ranger.

The man looked at me, and then back at the man holding me.

"Ranger?" he asked, with a snort. "Still go by that?"

"What are you doing here?" Ranger repeated, keeping his hold on me.

"Why, Ric," the man said, chuckling, "I work here."

"Excuse me?"

I'd seen that look in Ranger's eye before -- the look of pure, cold fury.

"Ms. Plum," the man said pleasantly, "Would you accompany me? I need to get your stateme-"

"The hell you do," Ranger said, pushing past the man and exiting Vinnie's office, me still in his grasp.

"Why, Mr. Manoso," said the man, "I would hate to pull rank on you, but legally, I am to collect her statement on what happened. I'm going to have to ask you to stay here." Before either Ranger or I could reply, the man had drug me back into Vinnie's office, slamming the door in Ranger's very-pissed face.

"Now," the man said, "Let me properly introduce myself. My name is Andy Martinez. I'm a newbie at the Police Department, so bear with me."

"How do you know Ranger?"

The man threw back his head and laughed. "Later, my bella," he said. "Now, I must get your statement of what happened."

So I told him. He didn't seem too surprised that it was my SUV that had went boom.. I guess the guys at the station had already filled him in.

He was polite throughout the whole ordeal, getting only the details, and then he let me go.

A very pissed-off Ranger was waiting on the other side of the door.

"Come," he said, his voice dark with rage. He led me out of the building, and away from the scene.

"Get in," he ordered, opening the passenger side of his Porsche. I obediently got in, deciding that now was not the time to object.

Silently, he slammed my door a little too hard, then got in on the driver's side, started the car, and took off a little too fast.

I opened my mouth to ask him what the deal was, when he shot me a "talk-and-die" look.

"Later," he said, his voice still full of anger.

I nodded and kept my mouth closed. Ranger did not go straight back to RangeMan as I had expected, but again, I decided not to ask.

Judging from the whiteness of his knuckles on the steering wheel, I figured I'd best stay quiet.

"Do you remember," he said finally, after driving around the streets of Trenton for about twenty minutes, "asking me about Chris and Lissie's father?"

I frowned at him, but nodded.

Ranger shot me a side-ways glance, and I saw the seriousness in his eyes.

"Tia got married when she was only 18," he said, his voice dull. "She married a real manipulative bastard, but she wouldn't listen to us when we warned her. So, Chris was born."

Ranger paused, rubbing his face with one hand. "That's when things started going downhill," he said. "Tia stopped going out of the house, Chris wasn't going to day-care, and soon her ass of a husband was the only one anybody ever saw."

I began to see where this was going, and didn't like it one bit.

"Then, Lissie was born."

I watched him as he pulled over to the side of the road, then he turned to face me fully.

"My entire familyis always in danger because of me, Stephanie, that is why I do not do relationships."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head. "No, listen to me. I'm not a popular person, and I'm not very well liked by quite a few people. Tia's husband began working for one of those people."

He stared at me, watching as realization dawned on my face. "He tried to kill her," I whispered.

Ranger nodded. "Would have succeeded, too. He was heartless, and would have killed her without any second thoughts. Only thing is, he himself didn't want to be harmed in any way. I payed him a considerable amount of money and a not-so-empty threat in agreement to him leaving Trenton and never coming back."

"So," I started, "not that I'm not glad you told me that, but why.."

Ranger was still turned in his seat, facing me. He reached out and tucked a stray curl behind my ear.

"Tia's last name is Martinez," he said softly.

Marti-

Andy Martinez.

Ranger nodded, seeing my expression. "Andy Martinez was paid to stay away from here, and he's back. That is why I was as hostile as I was."

"But why is he back?" I asked, more to myself.

Ranger gave me a long, considering look, then nodded slightly to himself.

"You know that he tried to kill her," he said. "What I didn't stress is that, he was in the act of doing so."

I froze. "But.. how-"

"Tony."

Ranger watched my reaction carefully. "Tony," I repeated.

Nod. "Tony is a street-wise kid, but he's quiet. People tend to talk more around quiet people. Tony heard about the arrangement, kill Tia to get to me. He called me and told me what was going on, but he got there before I did." Ranger's voice wavered slightly, "Martinez had the knife to her throat when he finally broke in, gun aimed and cocked."

"So Tony's not just quiet around me?" That made me feel a little better.

A little.

"Tony has seen some fucked up shit," Ranger said bluntly. "He isn't Diego, but he isn't heartless. You jumped to conclusions when you met him, so you have the wrong idea of him."

I cringed at his words, because although they were not meant to be hateful, they stung. "I just-"

Ranger shook his head. "It's fine," he said, turning and starting the car. "I'm just warning you, stay away from Martinez."

"Why is he back?" I repeated.

Ranger caught my eye in the rearview mirror, and for the first time, I saw a shimmer of fear.

"I don't know," he confessed. "I have an assumption, but I have no proof of it."

"What's your assumption?"

This time, Ranger was silent for awhile longer.

"He knows I have a daughter," he said finally. "And it's too coincidental that he happens to show up here the same day as my daughter does."

My eyes widened. The fucker wanted Adriel.

"Why does he want to get to you so bad?" I asked.

This time, Ranger shook his head. "I can't tell you that," he said. "We need to go to the hospital to make sure Lester and Hal are okay, then we can head back to RangeMan."

"Mmkay."

He looked over at me. "Are you going to stay in your apartment or mine?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

I knew what he was talking about. Technically, he and I were just "friends", but lately I'd been spending more nights in his bed than my own. I'd like to say it was only because there was some pseudo-psycho clown stalker after me, but I had been staying in his apartment before the clown thing started.

And after all, Rex was at his apartment.

"Yours," I said, "If that's okay."

"It's fine," he said. We were about to pull into the parking lot for the hospital when his cell phone rang.

"Yo.. What?" His voice grew indignant, and once again was full of rage. "We'll be right there. Have all men drop everything. DO IT."

He slammed the phone shut, then threw it across the dash. I cringed.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, scooting closer to my door.

He glanced at me, and when he spoke, his voice shook.

"Adriel is missing."

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**Mk, I want at least five reviews for thischapter or I ain't updating until then :-" **

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	14. Kidnapped

**Disclaimer : S'not mine, I jus play with them. I apologize in advance for the shortness of the chapter, but I'm really not in the writing mood, and had to force myself to write this.. so.. again, little to no humor, but it's kinda hard to under the circumstances of the story, ya know? Don't worry, i'll inch some in somewhere before the end..**

**Yee-haw, I finally decided "hey, I have no clue where I'm going with this," so I made a plot outline thing, and according to that, there are about nine chapters left before I finish this thing. I have what needs to be written already wrote down, I just gotta fill in the blanks with details and all that good stuff. So, maybe i'll have this thing over with in a week or so. **

**Until then, here ya gooooo..

* * *

**

Ranger quickly swung the car around and hit the gas, causing me to be thrown back into the seat.

"Umph," I mumbled, but he ignored me.

Bastard.

We rode along in silence for a few minutes until my phone rang.

Ranger and I both looked at the display : UNKNOWN NUMBER.

"Answer it," he said finally, on the third ring. I frowned at him, but he just nodded in the direction of my phone.

"Hello?"

Very intelligent, Steph.

"Hello, Ms. Stephanie." I recognized the clown's voice immediately.

Asshole.

"Mr. Clown," I growled, "Where is Adriel?"

Yeah, Mr. Clown might not've been the best thing to call him, but I didn't know what else to refer to him as.

"Ah, Ms. Plum," the thing said, "You should have just stayed away from the Manoso's. You drug yourself into this."

I drug myself into _what_, dammit?

"Where's freakin' Adriel?" I yelled. I shot a look at Ranger, who was glaring at my phone, knuckles white on the steering wheel.

"Adriel is with me," the clown said, "And because you cannot mind your own business, I'm punishing you."

Punishing..

Oh shit.

I froze.

"Who?" I whispered, my voice shaky.

"Your neices, Ms. Plum. Say hi to them." In the background, there was a smack, and then a familiar cry.

"Leave them alone!" I screamed, and Ranger took the phone from me.

I'm gonna kill him, I said silently. I'm goin' to kick that clown's ass to Cali-fucking-fornia.

"Talk," Ranger demanded, his voice dripping with rage.

I burried my hands into my face. Although I'd wanted to sell Mary Alice and Angie at a garage sell, not even I would will them away to some clown. Mom was going to ki-

"Oh shit!" I yelled outloud, realizing that Ranger was off the phone.

I looked up to see him turn his head to me and raised an eyebrow. His face was blank, but his eyes were boiling.

"My mom," I groaned, burying my face in my hands again.

I would never see another pinapple-upside-down cake in my life if my mother found out about this.

Ranger wordlessly picked up his phone from my side of the dashboard and flipped it open.

"Change of plans," he said into the phone. "Make sure everyone continues working. Three other girls missing as well. Yeah. Angie, Mary Alice, and Lisa. Yeah. Stephanie's neices. Going to her sisters house. Get it done."

He pocketed the phone, then, to my surprise, took my hand in his. I could feel his tension, and this time it was me who was the one comforting him, rubbing small circles on the top of his hand. He shot me a look, then went back into his zone.

We rode in silence to Valerie and Albert's house, the dread at what we would find eating away my stomach.

As soon as we got there, we realized the clown had not been bluffing. Albert was laying face down on the grass, obviously stunned.

Ranger, who still held my hand, gripped it harder as we moved into the house. At Angie's door, Valerie lay stunned as well.

Without a word, Ranger scooped Valerie into his arms and deposited her into the small backseat of the Porsche. He did the same to Albert, lifting him as though he were a five year old.

"Get in," he said to me. I obeyed, and within minutes we were parked in front of my mother's house.

Mom and Grandma Mazur were both waiting on the lawn.

Great.

Ranger and I both stepped out of the car. While Ranger pulled Valerie out of the car, I intercepted my mother.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum, wh-"

"Save it, Ellen."

My hero.

The three of us turned to see my father standing in the doorway. Ranger brushed pass us with Valerie still passed out in his arms. Dad and Ranger disappeared, then returned seconds later.

"What is this all about?" my dad asked finally. The five of us were still standing on the lawn outside of the house, and I could feel the neighbors' eyes on our backs.

"My daughter, along with your granddaughters, were kidnapped by a man who assosiated Stephanie with me," Ranger said. "This is in no way her fault, but it is mine."

I turned an incredulous glare at him.

Say what?

"Get them back," My dad said shortly. I looked from him to Ranger, then back. I could tell from their faces that they were doing the silent ESP thing.

"I will," Ranger promised, then he took my hand and led me back to the car. Without another word, we were off.

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**Lalala, okay, anyway, yeah. There you go. Hold ya over. By the way, I didn't expect to get five reviews so quickly, not that I'm complaining. Ya'll rock. I know I don't thank ya'll near enough, so I apologize and grovel and promise to do your chores for the next ten years (hah. like i do my own.) but THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! i love you all.**

**mk, yeah, anyway.. you know the drill**

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	15. Your One Phone Call

**A/N: -Peeks out from behind stage curtain- Don't shoot!! I'm sorry for my absense.. It seems the teachers are playing Lets-See-How-Much-Homeworo-In-One-Night-We-Can-Give-The-Freshmen-Students or something. I'm serious. It's crazy. This is literally the first time I've been on since.. I last updated. Now I gotta go through and find all my favorite stories that I was in the process of reading. CALL OFF THE MAFIA! Ladies and Gentlemen, the Cows have come home!  
**

**Basically, what I'm saying is, I'm baaaaaaack. For good, hopefully. I know I lied about when the story would be done, but I lie about a lot of things, and I'm working hard to finish it.. I'm thinking I may make it into a series, but I don't know. I'm supposed to be reading "To Kill A Mockingbird" but I figured I'd update instead, just so people don't start e-mailing me e-anthrax or something. **

**But, to get on with the important stuff. I changed up my story line a tad bit (not majorly, but a little), so I re-posted chapters 8 and 9. It's nothing major, nothing worth re-reading, all I did was change everything that Morelli said to something that Lester said. Lester is my favorite Merry Man.. who's yours? Anyway. I'm working on the next chapters as soon as I get these next few chapters posted.. I PROMISE. So don't hurt me.**

**I APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY FOR THE WAIT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE, AND I LOVE YOU ALL!!!**

**-Amber-**

**And now, for your feature presentation..**

* * *

Ranger made a couple of phone calls, then decided there was nothing more we could do for the day. We drove in silence to our destination, both in our own zones. I expected him to go back to the apartments at RangeMan, but we ended up at my apartment. I hadn't stayed there in a few weeks, and he knew it. We pulled to a stop in the parking lot, but neither of us moved to get out.

"Stephanie," Ranger said finally, turning toward me, "I'm sorry."

_Say whaaat?_

This caught me completely by surprise -- Batman isn't _supposed_ to apologize about things.

"Sorry for what?"

His face was completely blank, showing none of his emotions. "For bringing your neices into this."

I cringed. Surely he wasn't going to beat himself up over it, was he? "It's okay, Ranger.."

"_No it's not_," he said harshly, making me flinch. "It's not okay." He pushed his head into his hands and closed his eyes. "I'll come up with you to secure your apartment," he said, his voice muffled by his hands. This was a side of Ranger that I had never seen -- the human side. I tenatively put my hand on his shoulder, feeling the muscles underneath it tense up. We sat like that for a few more minutes, until he abruptly pulled away and got out of the car. I sighed and, after unbuckling, followed.

We rode the elevator up to my apartment without speaking. Ranger strode ahead to my apartment door, while I trudged along behind. I really didn't want to be alone in case a psycho clown tried to grab me, but Ranger seemed to be ready to get rid of me for the night. He did the routine walk-through of my apartment, then came back to me empty-handed.

"Clear," he said, stepping aside for me to enter. I looked at him, expecting him to follow, but he stood in the hall, not looking at me. "I have to go," he said. "Lock your doors."

My jaw dropped as I gave him an unbelieving look, but he ignored me. "Bye," I said sarcastically as he entered the elevator. He either ignored me again or didn't hear me, because he didn't respond. I sighed and did as he said, bolting the floor bolt and pulling the chain.

"I must be crazy," I muttered. I felt lonely. Rex was still at Ranger's, as were the majority of my clothes. Also, needless to say, I didn't exactly feel very safe in my little apartment, especially when there's a psycho clown after me. I sighed a few times, feeling depressed, then sat on my couch and flipped on the TV. I watched a few movies until nighttime. I wished Ranger would call or drop by or something, but he remained unheard of.

"Guess what," I said to the remote control, "My life sucks." I undressed and climbed into bed, but every time I drifted off to sleep I saw my neices.

"Dammit," I swore, after a rather vivid dream and Angie's repeated calls to me for help. I glanced at the clock -- 12:30am. I got up and took a half of a sleeping pill -- just enough to stay asleep, but enough that I'd be able to be awaken if Ranger decided to call. I threw the now empty bottle of water into the trash, then padded back to bed. I had just drifted off into a surprisingly un-disturbing dream when my phone rang.

"Shit," I growled, grabbing blindly for my cell. After knocking over my alarm clock, a book, and a glass of water, I found it. "Hah," I said softly, violently punching the "Talk" button.

"It's about time you called," I grumbled into the phone, reaching over and picking up my alarm clock. 2:35am. Great.

"Oh, is that so?"

I froze. I knew that voice.

It was the damn clown.

"What do you want?" I asked, sitting up. I was now fully awake.

"Why, Ms. Stephanie, there's no need to be so rude," the clown said. I bit my tongue to keep from retorting. One thing I've learned in my bounty huntering experiences is that it's not exactly smart to piss off a psycho. Especially when said psycho is holding a member (or three) of your family hostage.

"Where are my neices?" I asked, keeping my voice as calm as I could. Meaning, it only slightly wavered from the amount of anger I was feeling.

"Your neices are fine," the clown assured. "In fact, you may speak to them if you wish."

Duh.

I felt relief wash over me. If the clown was volunteering to let me speak to them, that meant he most likely hadn't touched them. "Yes," I said quickly, "Please."

I heard the phone clatter around and a few whispered words, then Angie's hesitant voice, "Aunt Stephanie?"

I felt the icy hand clenched around my heart loosen considerably. "Angie," I said, my words in a rush, "Are you okay? Mary Alice? Lisa?"

There was a silence, as if Angie was having trouble comprehending my words, then, "What?" This time, I heard it in her voice - she had been drugged.

"Angie, are your sisters there?"

Again, no reply.. then I heard someone take the phone. This time, it was Mary Alice's voice that asked my name. Her words were slurred as well, but she seemed more aware of her surroundings than her sister.

"Mary," I said softly, "Who all is with you? Are you all okay?"

"Um," Mary Alice mumbled. She paused, like her sister had, and I thought I had lost her. Finally, she responded, "It's me.. Me and Angie and Lisa and another person. A girl. She looks like.." her words drifted off, then her voice was stronger, "Like that bounty hunter. The one Grandma Mazur likes. Me and Angie and her are.." she drifted off again, and when she spoke, her words were slightly weaker, "Um, they did something to us. Pearl and Baldy. Pearl didn't want to, but Baldy said they had to.. they gave us a shot.. me and Angie and the other girl. They didn't to Lisa.. they said she was too small. Aunt Stephanie, I'm sca-" She was still talking when the phone was pulled away.

"Sorry, Ms. Stephanie," the clown voice said, "But your 3 minutes are up."

"Why?" I asked, clenching my fist, "Why do you need them?"

"Distraction," the clown said simply. "You see, Ms. Stephanie, your dear Ranger will be very preoccupied with finding your little neices. So preoccupied he will forget about his own and her brother."

He remained silent as I felt the words sink in. "Distraction," I repeated weakly. "What are you going to do with them when you get Tia's kids?" I quietly and slowly pulled the covers off of my body, then stood up and began walking to the kitchen, where I knew the house phone was.

"Why," the clown said, "What makes you think I'm going to do anything with them?"

I wasn't stupid. I knew the drill. Distraction was discarded of when it was no longer needed.

"Are you telling me you're not going to?" I asked, holding the house phone away from me and dialing a number that I had commited to memory. I prayed that _someone _had answered, and put my cell phone on speaker.

"What I'm telling you, Ms. Stephanie," the clown said, his polite voice tainted with impatientness and hurriness, "Is that in approximately two hours, there will be three Manoso children dead. What I'm telling you, is that unless you want your neices to suffer more than they already will, you need to stay far away from Ricardo Manoso." The clown's voice faded into a harsh whisper. "What I'm telling you, Stephanie Plum, is that for every time I see you in the company of any Manoso, one of your neices will be disposed of. Now, I'm aware there are only three of them, but I seem to recall a beautiful two-week old Morelli baby... Your cop boyfriend's neice, isn't she? She herself has a sister and a brother, does she not? Now, I'd hate to see that poor family get punished again because of you.. don't you agree?"

I felt the blood drain from my face, and I dropped my cell phone. He was correct -- Morelli's sister just recently had her third child, and I didn't want anybody in his family hurt. I faintly bent down and retrieved my cell phone. "Fine," I whispered, "No Manoso's."

"Good girl," the clown said, obviously pleased. "Now I must go, but I will certainly be speaking to you again later." I heard the click of his phone, and I closed mine as well. I pulled the house phone to my ear, hearing heavy breathing on the other side.

"Did you hear all that?" I asked, realizing for the first time that my hands were shaking uncontrollably.

"I heard."

"And?"

I heard a dry laugh. "I guess you'd better stay away from us, wouldn't you think?"

Right.

"So when do I come over?"

The laugh turned into an exasperated sigh. "Do you ever listen?"

"Not really."

"Fine." Diego passed the phone off to someone, grumbling about having to answer to asshole brothers. I frowned as I heard a few mumblings, then Tony's distinctive yell, then a loud commotion.

"Don't come," Tony said quickly into the phone. I guessed that he was the one who had been holding it for Diego. Tony slammed the phone down, blocking out the sudden very-loud chaos. The slam immediately made my mind up.

"Well," I said in the direction of the remote control as I pulled on my jacket, "I think my life is about to get even more sucky." I walked out of the door, pulling it closed behind me. Destination : Manoso's.

Now I just have to remember how to get there.

Without being seen.

While being without a car.

_Great.

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_

**Review**

**vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv**


	16. A War, Impulsiveness, and Background

**Keep it rollin, rollin, rollin..**

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"Can't believe we fucking _lost_ them!" Carla was throwing a loud fit, stomping up and down the length of the room. Diego and I sat quietly, attempting to avoid her.

Like that was going to work.

"Stephanie!" Carla rounded on me, causing me to jump. I had to hold myself back from snapping her a salute. "Did you hear any background sounds, anything that could tell us where they're staying?"

Well, if I did, wouldn't I have said something by now?

I could tell my thoughts showed on my face, because I got a slight nudge and a warning look from Diego, who sat beside me. So, instead of a biting remark, I just shook my head.

"Not a thing," I replied, glancing up as the door slammed and Ranger and Company walked in. I tried to make eye contact with Ranger, but he was too busy glaring daggers at Diego.

Funny, I didn't know Ranger knew _how_ to glare.

Both Diego and Tank snorted, while Ranger finally looked at me and gave me a 'Babe' look.

Damn. Looks like I said that out loud.

"To get down to business," Ranger said abruptly, snapping us all into Track-Down-the-Asshole-Clown mode, "We don't have time to mess around with pleasantries and distraction. We don't know what this guy has planned, and we don't know where he is. I want a tracer on the next call he makes, so Stephanie, you need to stay here-"

Like hell!

I opened my mouth to object, but got yet another, sharper elbow in my side. I turned my glare to meet Tony's.

_Yikes_.

I turned back quickly to find Ranger looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Fine," I said. "But I don't like it."

Ranger nodded and turned toward Tank. While he fired directions to the rest of the team, I crossed my arms and leaned against the corner of the couch. Being locked up and confined to one place was never something I was able to do easily, but with Ranger, I really didn't have a choice.

"Stephanie, I want you by your phone at all times," Ranger instructed me.

That's like telling a girl she can have everything in Macy's for free.

"No problem," I said, trying to contain my glee. The more serious part of me knew that I wouldn't be allowed to actually BE on the phone, but the denial side of me liked the idea.

I had expected Ranger to say "Babe", or give one of his corner-smiles, or even show a spark of amusement in his eyes, but I saw nothing. Instead, he gave me a dead nod and walked out of the room with Tank and Lester by his side.

"Harsh," I muttered, but sighed and shrugged. Tony shot me a look, then stood and followed his older brother. Soon, I was left with only Diego. I looked over at him, studying him closely for the first time. He had Ranger's nose, but that was about it. Everything else was warmer.. his eyes, his lips, the small scar on his right cheek, even his hair was a lighter, less threatening color.

Freaking sexy.

After feeling my eyes on him, he turned to me and gave me a small half-smile. "Go talk to him," he said, nodding his head in the general direction of the door. "He needs you."

Ranger doesn't 'need' anybody, and everyone knew it.

"You're wrong," Diego said, shaking his head and standing up. "Whether you believe it or not, he isn't the real Batman." I looked down. Damn my speaking out loud. "Don't you remember?" Diego asked, lightening the mood, "_I'm_ the one who's Superman here."

I tried to smile, but it came out looking like I was constipated. "I'm going to go to the bathroom," I said, having no clue where the bathroom was, or if there was even one in the house. After all, this was the Justice League family we're talking about. Despite this fact, I stood up and headed in what I guess was the right direction, because Diego didn't stop me and tell me differently. I wandered down a few random halls, looking for anything that looked remotely like a bathroom. As I was about to turn yet another doorknob and pray it wasn't another closet, I heard voices on the other side.

Sweet.

Now, there are three things a person could do in this situation. The first was to walk away and come back later. The second would be to politely knock and interrupt the conversation. The third, however, would be the one that most would do.

Stick your damn ear up to the door and listen.

I couldn't make out what the voice on the other side was saying, but I could tell that it was a males. The voice was muffled, and I mentally cursed the thickness of the door. As I leaned even closer to hear, the door opened.

"Stephanie," Ranger said calmly, picking me up off the floor. I opened my mouth to explain, but he turned and began walking away.

"That's _it_?" I asked him, watching as he walked further and further away from me. "Why won't you talk to me?"

As I had expected, he continued to walking.

"Ranger!" I called. I began to jog to catch up to him. He didn't slow. "Ranger, wha-"

He turned and rounded on me. "Stephanie," he said in a deadly calm voice, "Go away. I don't have the time to deal with you right now."

_What_?

I jerked as if I had been slapped, and made to turn, but he kept going. "I told you not to come, and what do you do? You show up at my mother's doorstep twenty minutes later. I told you to keep your phone with you at all times, and where is it now?" He looked pointedly at the empty space on my belt where my cell should be. I tried to think. It was still on the coffee table in the den.

"Even the simplest instructions seem to be impossible for you to follow," he continued, his eyes growing blacker. His voice had remained the same pitch throughout the entire time, but now it was getting softer and deadlier. "You are more work than my daughter, and you're twenty years older. The only reason I'm allowing you to be in this house at all is because I can't focus on finding my daughter and your neices when I have to wonder, 'Where is Stephanie now? What trouble is she getting into this time?'. I'm hoping that leaving you here is the right thing, because with my luck, you'll have blown the place up by the time I get back."

_Bastard_!

My eyes had been increasing in width the entire speech, but the last comment was what threw me over the edge. "Blown up?" I asked, my voice shrill. "_Blown up_?" I opened my mouth and swung my hands, but nothing came out. I continued swinging, trying to think of a good arguement, but I was so angry that I couldn't form coherent words.

"Dickhead!" I yelled finally. I stomped down hard on his foot, turned, and ran down the hall. Stupid Rambo-Wanna-Be-Rock-Resembling-GI-Joe-Impersonating.. _twat_!

I stomped all the way back to the den, kicking the couch hard and wincing in pain when I did so.

"Shit!" I exploded, "Fuck, damn, ouch!" I hopped to the big recliner chair at the other end of the room, sat down, and promptly burst into tears.

Strangely, I felt arms go around me. At first, I tensed, thinking it was the clown dude, but I smelled the now familiar scent and relaxed.

"That wasn't a talk," Diego said into my ear. I snuggled closer, still crying.

"What do you call it?"

He chuckled. "A war? Stomping on peoples feet isn't nice, you know."

My cheeks burned. "It was impulsive." We sat there for awhile, until I eventually stopped crying.

"Better?" he asked.

"Mmph." It was only then that I realized.

Holy shit, I'm in Superman's arms.

Superman being..

Ranger's _brother_.

"Umph," I mumbled, sitting up. "You realize you were holding me?"

Diego raised an eyebrow. "That's typically what it's called, yes."

I narrowed my eyes at him, but he stared right back.

"Hmph," I grunted. I leaned back against him, and felt his arms re-wrap around me. "Fine then."

I lay there for what seemed like hours, until I was fell asleep. I had just awaken from my perch in his lap, head on his shoulder with my eyes still closed, when I heard voices. With my eyes carefully shut and my breathing slow and regular, I began to listen very carefully.

"..Been here for two hours now," Diego said to whoever.

"She needs to be awake." It was Ranger's crisp voice. He spoke to Diego as if he were the big brother, when it was actually the opposite.

"You don't have a clue what she needs," Diego snapped. I felt his arms tense around me, so I shifted slightly and they loosened.

"Don't you start on me," Ranger replied in the same manner. "I've faced Mom's shit already-"

"Obviously she didn't get to you, then. I'm thirty six years old, Ricky, I think I can manage here." The statement seemed innocent enough, but I could hear the silent dare. There was silence for a whole minute, then finally footsteps walking away. They grew dimmer and dimmer, until I couldn't hear them anymore. Only then, did Diego shift me slightly.

"I know you heard every word of that," he said to me. I still had my head buried in his shoulder, but I made face just as well.

Fucking Bat people.

"How did you know?" I asked, sitting up. I moved out of his lap and onto the chair beside him. He stared forward, looking off into space.

"Your breathing changed. Your nose stopped whistling." He grinned slightly. "You stopped mumbling."

I glared at him as his grin widened. "I don't mumble," I declared, knowing perfectly well that I did.

"Who is this Morelli you spoke about?" he asked me, his face growing serious. I sighed and dropped my head to my hands.

"I need to sleep," I said, lifting my head. I went to stand up, but Diego reached over and held my arm.

"You can't, can you?" he asked me. I bit my lip as he stared into my eyes, then sighed and sat back down.

"Fine," I groaned, twisting around to get comfortable. "I'll sleep here."

"Who was he?" Diego asked, ignoring my sour face. "What happened to him?"

"He was a friend," I said vaguelly. "I'm tired, can we talk about this later?"

"No."

Ugh.

Diego pulled me back into his lap, until my head was again on his shoulder. "Who is Morelli, and why is it that each time I speak his name you cringe?"

I lowered my head once again, and sighed. "Morelli. He used to be a cop, used to be my boyfriend."

"Okay," Diego encouraged, giving me a 'carry on' look. "What happened?"

So I told him. Everything. About the Slayers, about Terry Gilman's betrayal, the shooting, the ambulance, the hospitals, the specialists, the psychiatrists, the scientists, the machines, the tests, the results, the statistics. The chances of getting shot in the head and not dying instantly, the chances of coming out of the surgical room alive, the chances of coming out of the coma, the chances of ever speaking, seeing, walking, talking, understanding, learning. The odds of ever remembering.

Throughout the entire explanation, Diego held me tight, interrupting only to ask me to clarify. He let me talk, let me cry, and, somewhere around six in the morning, let me sleep peacefully for the first time in months.

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**Review, and stuff. I seriously wanna know.. Who is your favorite Merry Man? 1.) Lester 2.) Tank 3.) Bobby 4.) Junior 5.) Dodge 6.) Cal 7.) Hector **

**8.) Hal 9.) Other (fill in name)**


	17. Two Unexpected Conversations

**All Spanish is done with Babel Fish, so I apologize for the incorrectness and stuff.****

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I woke up around noon the next day in the guest bedroom. I didn't remember moving, but I supposed Superman moved in mysterious ways. I rolled out of bed, got showered and dressed, and padded down to the kitchen. The room felt empty without the presence of the children, which reminded me again why I was staying there. I wandered from there into the den, where I saw Grandmother Maria knitting in her rocking chair.

"Oh," I said quickly, "Sorry-"

"Alto."

I froze, then turned back to the old woman. "I.. I'm sorry," I stuttered. "I don't speak Spanish-"

"Abajo."

What?

My confusion was clear on my face, because crazy as she was, she understood. Her face struggled for a moment, as if she were trying hard to think of a word, then she smiled and nodded.

"Si," she said to herself. She turned to me and slowly, deliberately, she said, "Sit."

Hesitantly, I perched on the corner of a couch.

"No, no." She shook her head, and motioned at the seat beside her. "Aquí."

I sat beside her, watching carefully. She didn't seem to be as.. crazy.. as she had been that night at dinner. But again, anybody who dealt with that family for a few weeks would be driven certifiably insane, anyway.

She set down her knitting and picked up the small, dainty teapot in front of us that rested on the coffee table. "Té?" she asked, gesturing toward the small cup resting in front of me. At my nod, she began to pour, her hands shaking from the weight of the teapot. She watched me anxiously as I took a sip. It was.. different. At first I had to fight from making a face, but at the second sip, it wasn't quite so bad.

"Good?" she asked.

"Yes.. si," I said, smiling. Who would've figured that I would be having a conversation with Ranger's grandmother over a cup of Cuban tea? Lula would _never_ believe me, that was for sure.

"You and Ricky find mi nieta?" she inquired, picking up her knitting.

"Trying," I said, wondering if she understood what I was saying.

"Bueno."

We sat in silence, her humming quietly, me sipping on the tea, until a clock in the distance rang. A few minutes later, a young woman that I assumed was a servant (if they even have those anymore) walked into the room.

"Hola, Senora Manoso," she said politely to Grandmother Maria. To me, she said "It's time for her to take her medication.. You can see her again in a few hours."

"Okay," I said dumbly, standing up. I smiled down at Grandmother Maria, then turned to walk away. I was stopped by her frail hand on my arm.

"Él le ama. Él es demasiado absurdo justo para decirlo. No dé para arriba esperan, mi querida. Él realizará esto también, en tiempa. Ruega solamente que esté viva ver el día."

I had no clue what it was she said, but she looked at me so honestly that I just nodded. "Adios, Senora," I said, using two out of six of the only Spanish words I know. I headed from there back up to my room, on a sudden mission. If Grandmother Maria can be sane at a time like this, then so can I. Once in my room, I flopped down on the bed and into my thinking spot.

Nothing jumped out at me and said boo.

"Well, Rome wasn't built in a day," I muttered after an hour of absolutely nothing, sitting back up. As I sat up, I came face to face with a clown.

"AAAIGHHHHHHHH!" I screamed. Out of instinct more than anything, I threw a sucker punch directly to its giant red nose.

BULLSEYE, JACKASS.

I continued to scream as its nose made a loud cracking noise. The clown cursed loudly and jumped away from me. I screamed louder and louder as I reached for the gun that I knew was in the drawer of my nightstand, but before I could reach it, the clown was out my window. Not even two seconds later, my door crashed open and a figure ran in. He surveyed the scene quickly, from my screaming, to the blood on my bed, to the open window that I was pointing at. Tony ran to the window, gun in hand, but it was obvious that he didn't see anything.

"Damn it," he swore aloud, glancing at me, then back at the window. He looked as though he were about to speak when his cell phone rang. "'Yo.. She's fine.. Yes.. I'm with her.. No, he's down at the dock. Lester's with him. All right." He hung up, then walked over to me.

"Hi," I said to him. My heart was still beating fast, but my voice held only a small amount of hysteria in it. Not near the amount I was feeling.

"Hi," he replied, taking my head in his hands and moving it around. Trying to make sure I didn't get anything broken, I suppose.

"I'm not a bobble head," I told him finally, pulling my head out of his grasp. He raised his eyebrows at me, then looked down at the blood.

"Good aim," he said. He then pulled the bloodstained sheet off of my bed.

"Hey," I said, "That's my bedspread."

He looked at it, then me. "It has a puddle of blood on it."

What's bad is, that's not really a rare occurance for me. But I understood where he was coming from, and sighed. "Fine, take it."

He gave me a look similiar to the one from the night before, then wadded up the cloth and put it on the ground. "You're a strange woman," he declared.

Hmph.

"I prefer to call it stubborn," I frowned.

He snorted. "More like shit stupid. Does it ever occur to you that someday Ranger isn't going to be there to save your ass?"

My cheeks flamed. "Does it ever occur to you that you're an ass?"

"Daily." He picked up the bloodstained sheets and walked out of the room. Curious about his sudden interest in conversing, I followed.

"Do you always call your brother by his street name?" I asked, following him. I had to slightly jog to keep up with his pace, but he didn't seem too annoyed that I was there.

"Do you?" he asked.

"Yep." I figured that maybe if I kept talking, he would talk. "He introduced himself to me as Ranger, so that's what I know him by." We began to descend the stairs into the giant basement where the laundry things were kept. "What about you?"

Tony flipped on the light switch at the bottom of the steps and continued walking, paying me minimal attention. "Did you introduce yourself to him as Bombshell?"

"Huh?" It took a second to realize he was talking about my being referred to as "Bombshell Bounty Hunter". "Oh, no, it was actually the Merry Me- I mean, Lester, Bobby, Tank, Cal, and Junior that gave me that nickname. See, I have this thing about blowing up cars. Well, I don't blow them up, other people do, but I'm always around when it happens. I'm surprised I haven't been charged for being an accomplice, now that I think about it. I mean, whenever I'm around a parking lot, there's a 25 increase that something will blow up than when I'm not. But it's not my fault."

"Merry Men?" he asked, finally coming to a stop at the washer.

"Um, yeah, I didn't make up that nickname, it was Connie and Lula. By the way, you never answered my question."

Tony shoved the sheet into the washer, dumped detergent and a peice of fabric softener, turned some dials, and slammed the lid shut.

"I was only a kid when he became 'Ranger'. He introduced himself to me as Ranger, so that's what I know him by." He gave me one of his trademark 'Looks', then turned and headed back up the stairs. I stood there, staring at the washing machine, feeling sorry for Tony. The reason he had never participated in the "Hey Ricky" joking was because he was never accepted into that loop of companionship.

"Are you coming?" Tony yelled from the top step.

"Does this mean you don't hate me?" I yelled back as I climbed up the steps. He waited for me at the top.

"Not really," he said, "I still think you're shit stupid."

"Well," I said, "I still think you're an ass."

For the first time, he gave me a real grin. "You can think about my ass anytime you want, '_Babe_'."

My jaw dropped at the sudden joke. I stood there in silence as he walked off down the hallway in laughter.

I eventually made my way back to the den, where I found Ranger and my overnight bag waiting.

"You're going home," he said to me. My eyes widened.

"What?" I asked meekly. "_Why_?"

From the other room, I could hear the raised voices of Diego and Tony. Ranger noticed me listening in on them and pulled me outside. "It's too dangerous for you here," he said shortly.

"So you're sending me back to my _apartment_?"

Ranger led me to his Porsche and held the door open for me to get in. He handed me my bag, then moved around to the driver's side. "You're not involved in this anymore. Your neices will be released back to you. They have who they want now."

I felt a rush of relief at the thought of my neices returning to safety, but it was quickly filled with fear for the other children. "What about Adriel? And the other two?"

Ranger's silence answered me.

"Jesus," I whispered. I couldn't hold back the shaking at the thought of what the kids were going through.

"Why did he stop calling?" I asked him, trying not to think about Tia's daughter's laughing eyes. "Clown person? Why hasn't he called me?"

Ranger glanced over at me, seemingly ignoring my shivering. "He has what he wants. He doesn't need you anymore."

This brought on a whole new thought.

"What if he.. 'disposes' of Mary Alice and Angie and Lisa now? Since he doesn't need them?"

"He won't," Ranger said sharply. He pulled into my apartment's parking lot and killed the engine. Together we left the car and walked up to my apartment.

"Stay here," he said. I stood in the doorway while he went in to do his routine search. I felt my arms and realized that I had goosebumps -- sometime over the month the weather had gotten cooler, and I hadn't even noticed. I rubbed my arms together to try to get warm when I heard a small, barely-there crunching sound from behind me. As I turned around to investigate, I saw a flash of red clothing, then everything went black.

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**Don't forget to vote on who is your favorite Merry Man..**


	18. Captured

**Here we go loopty-loo..**

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The first thing I heard when I woke were whispers. "Mmph," I groaned, trying to rub my head. My hands wouldn't move.

"Aunt Stephanie?" whispered a voice.

"Shut up, you're going to get us in trouble," whispered another.

"Both of you, stop. Ms. Plum-"

"Shh, I think someone's coming-"

A door opened, then crashed shut loudly. Footsteps came closer and closer to me.

"Open your eyes, Stephanie," commanded a voice.

I opened them to find five very bright lights shining at me. I slammed them shut again.

Asshole.

"Now, Ms. Stephanie, I wouldn't want to have to harm you in front of your neices," the voice said. "I'm going to tell you one more time, open your eyes."

Very slowly, I opened them. My eyes adjusted very slowly, until I was looking into the eyes of Andy Martinez.

"You know," I mumbled, my voice giving away the fact that I was still very drugged, "You looked a lot better as a clown."

I saw Martinez's palm make contact with my face, but I didn't feel it until a few seconds later. "Ouch," I slurred, trying again to move my hand. "That was mean."

Martinez looked at me for a moment, then turned his head and yelled at an unseen companion, "What the hell did you give her?"

I cringed at the sudden increased level of volume. "No noise, no noise," I groaned. "Noise hurts."

"Good," Martinez said. More to himself than to me, he added, "At least that means she's feeling _something_." He turned back to his companion. "Get something to sober her up. _Now_."

"Aww," I sulked, "I don't want to be sober."

Martinez looked at me again, then back at his companion. "PRONTO!"

He turned and joined his friend, leaving me and the kids in the room.

"Geeze," I groaned, turning my eyes to the girls, "Is he always that grumpy?"

They just stared at me.

"Fine," I grunted, lying back down. "I'm taking a nap now."

Without another word, I was out.

When I came to, the first thing I saw were..

my neices!

"Angie!" I yelled. "Mary Alice, Lisa!" I was uncuffed and able to use my arms now, I discovered, as I pushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Aunt Stephanie!" the girls exclaimed, seeing that I was un-drugged. Mary Alice ran at me and immediately embraced me, wrapping her legs around my waist and holding on for dear life. Angie, who was holding Lisa, took slightly longer, but as soon as she handed me Lisa, she attached herself as well. After embracing my own family for almost five minutes, we disengaged and I turned to Tia's children.

"Hello, Ms. Stephanie," Tia's son whispered. He had his arm around his little sister, who was sucking nervously on her thumb.

"Hello, Chris," I said, remembering the little boy's name. "And Lissie." I smiled at the little girl, who held her arms out for me to pick her up.

Now, I've never been a big fan of kids at all, but the minute that baby so innocently put her trust into my hands like that, in just that little motion, made my heart melt. I decided right then that I wanted a baby.

"Hi, Stephanie," said Adriel, who stood behind Chris. I picked up Lissie and cradled her like I'd seen Valerie do with Lisa. I did the same with Lisa on the other hand. Lula would _definately _never believe the sight I was right then.

"Adriel," I said, knowing she would be the most aware of all, "Fill me in on everything. Have they been treating you okay?"

"We're fine. They've asked us questions about you and my dad, but we've always acted dumb. They tried to threaten me, but I acted like I didn't know, and they eventually gave up. They give us diapers for the babies, and feed us twice a day. We each took a bath last night, but that's the first time they've let us."

I was so relieved I almost fell to the floor. I had prayed that the men wouldn't abuse the children, whether it be physically or sexually, but when you're dealing with a psycho who loves to dress up as a clown, you never know what to expect.

"Here they come," Mary Alice said softly. Immediately after, the huge concrete door opened.

"Welcome back to the world, Ms. Stephanie," said Andy Martinez.

"Thanks," I said. I cringed when I remembered my clown comment.

"I'd like you to meet someone.. Eric?"

Behind Martinez entered the same companion from before.. with the features of a person that I knew very well.

My jaw dropped. "What.. what.."

"Hello, Stephanie," said Eric. "You should probably take a seat, we have a lot of talking to do."

I dimly sat down on the ground with both babies in my lap. Mary Alice, Angie, and Chris sat down beside me, while Adriel walked to the farthest corner to get away from the men.

"Who.." I drifted off, staring at the man. "Who are you?"

"Eric Manoso," Eric said.

"Manoso?" I had a dreaded feeling in my stomach.

"Manoso," said Adriel from the far corner. I turned to face her, to find her glaring at Eric with disgust. "Can you believe this asshole is my uncle? Some uncle, huh."

"Uncle.." I turned back to Eric. "You're Ranger's brother?"

Eric Manoso nodded.

"I thought.." I thought back to when I had first met Carla.

_He flashed me a full on grin. "Dinner with my family won't kill you, Babe."_

_Oh yeah? One Ranger is scary enough._

_I wonder if they're are any more guys.._

_"I have two sisters and three brothers," he said calmly._

I looked at Eric. "Two sisters and three brothers."

He nodded. "Carla, me, Diego, Ric, Tia, Tony. Carla was always the bitch of the family, so it's really no wonder that she's a lawyer now. Diego and I were best friends, Ric was the badass wanna-be that never missed an episode of GI Joe, Tia was the ballerina pink-loving prep, and Tony was.." he drifted off. "Tony was just there. I'm surprised Ricky ever even admitted that he had three brothers. They tend to forget to send me invitations to all the family reunions, it seems.." Eric shot me a grin. "So now you know who I am. Any other questions?"

"Why are you doing this to your family?"

Eric's eyes narrowed. "Because they deserve it," he hissed. "You see, I hate my family, and I have every reason in the world to."

"But.. why?"

I struggled to understand this man's logic.. what had they done to make him so mad?

"I was born," Adriel said from behind me. I turned to find that she had been walking closer to us the entire conversation.

"Exactly," growled Eric. "She-" he pointed at Adriel "Was born."

I looked from Eric, to Adriel, to Martinez, who seemed bored with the entire thing. "You see," he said to me whilst examining his cuticles nonchalantly, "Adriel's mother, Rina, was Eric's fiancee when Adriel was born."

It took a few minutes to settle in, but when it did, my eyes widened.

"Yep," Eric said, his eyes narrowed, "my brother, my flesh and blood _brother_ had been fucking my fiancee the entire time. And what's more.. I was more than willing to be Adriel's surrogate father.. but no, Rina had to throw five years down the drain and marry my _brother_ because he was the father of a baby that should never have been there in the FIRST PLACE!"

At the last part, Eric slammed his fist into the wall.

The act strongly reminded me of Ranger's reaction when he found out Martinez was back in town.

"Wait a minute.." I said softly, thinking back.

_"He knows I have a daughter," he said finally. "And it's too coincidental that he happens to show up here the same day as my daughter does."_

_My eyes widened. The fucker wanted Adriel._

_"Why does he want to get to you so bad?" I asked._

_This time, Ranger shook his head. "I can't tell you that," he said._

"The way Ranger talked, it sounded like it was Martinez that wanted Adriel.. but that wasn't it at all.." I turned from Eric, to Martinez, back to Eric. "You're the one that wanted Adriel."

Both men nodded. "So why are you here?" I asked Martinez. "What does Adriel have to do with you?"

Martinez smiled. "I was waiting on you to ask that. You see, I have no business with Adriel. My business is with Mr. Diego Manoso, myself. When Eric approached me telling me that he was after a Manoso, I figured I would join in. Two together are stronger than indivudals."

Diego? "Why are you after Diego?"

Martinez's phony smile disappeared. "That's a story for another day," he said. He and Eric glanced at each other, and I began to get an icky feeling in my stomach.

"Ms. Stephanie," Martinez said, his voice soft and full of danger, "You see, believe it or not, Eric and I have certain morals that we won't cross. We will not hurt children, that's one of our morals. However.." as he stopped talking I felt a strong hand grasp my upper arm. I began to struggle as he moved closer to me. "However," he continued, "You are a different story."

"No," I yelled, but it was hopeless. Eric alone could control me with one hand, both men had me completely overpowered. I gave the yelling, screaming, and crying kids a comforting look, but as I was rushed out of the room, I couldn't help the fear that spread quicker than wildfire.

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**Last chapter for now.. I'm working on the other, though, so don't hurt me yet..**

**-Amber-**

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	19. To the Rescue

**Disclaimer : Anyone you recognize and care about isn't mine.**

**A/N : This chapter is kind of depressing.. no real humor. The italics close to the bottom are flashbacks and daydreams, in case it's not obvious.**

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"Aunt Stephanie.."

I felt small arms gripping mine, and groaned in pain. "Help me," Adriel said to whoever.

"Is she dead?" Mary Alice asked from the side.

"No, hurt, now move." Angie's hands joined Adriel's in the drag across the floor.

"We have to get out of here," Adriel said to nobody in particular. "This is crazy. There's always an escape, somewhere. A lot of times, that escape is only a few feet away. Mary Alice, bring me that pillow."

"The only way we could get out of here is if we ran when they came in," grunted Angie as she helped lift me the single foot to the cot. "And none of us can run fast enough to figure out how to get out without getting caught."

"I could do it," Mary Alice spoke up. As Angie and Adriel protested, she spoke over them. "No, really!" she said. "I'm the fastest runner out of all of us, and I'm the smallest that would know what to do once I got out.. what would I do when I got out?"

"No way," Angie said, trying to make me comfortable on the small cot. "You're not going anywhere."

"She has a point," mused Adriel. At Angie's wide eyes, she held up her hands. "Well, she does. She is the smallest, so she'd be less likely to be caught or noticed on a camera. She can slip in and out of tight spaces easier than one of us could. She's younger, so if she has to hitchhike, people would be more sympatheti-"

"No hitch-hiking." If I had not known who it was that spoke, I would have sworn that it was my mother. "Absolutely no hitch-hiking."

"Fine, no hitch-hiking," agreed Adriel. I could tell Angie was relenting from the loosening grip on my arm.

"Okay," said Mary Alice, "So what's the plan?"

The girls continued talking, but I couldn't stay zoned in enough to understand a word that was said. I wanted to stop them, but I couldn't seem to be able to move.

"Shit," I whispered. The girls turned to look at me, but turned quickly around again as the concrete door swung open. The unsuspecting muscle man -- judging from the shine of his teeth, I guessed that he was the one the girls refered to as "Pearl". Sure enough, Adriel called out a greeting, and as the man moved further into the room, Mary Alice moved further out.

"..hope ya'll ain't too mighty bored," he was saying. "Ya know I'd bring ya some entertainment, but they won't 'llow me."

"It's okay, Pearl," said Angie. "We're not too bored."

"Well, dat's goo- say, where'd lil Mary Alice go?"

By this time, Mary Alice had already sprinted from the room.

"Dammit!" swore Pearl as he exited the room at a run.

Angie and Adriel high fived each other, then listened closely.

"They turned on the sirens," Adriel informed, still listening. I lay there, frozen. Even if I had been physically able to move, I wouldn't have from fear. Adriel gave a commentary of what she thought was happening, then the two girls came and sat beside me.

"It's okay, Aunt Stephanie," Angie said softly. "Mary Alice is getting help now."

I grunted, unable to form coherent words. My freaking neice was being chased by psychos, nothing was "okay".

Loud curses and footsteps were coming closer from down the hall. I did not open my eyes as I felt more than saw a shadow pass over me.

"Get up," Martinez ordered. I couldn't move. "GET UP!" He grabbed me and swung me across the hall.

Fucking bastard.

I groaned as I crashed to the floor, hoping that it was a pillow and not a child underneath me. Martinez yanked me up by my neck and unsteadily led me out of the door.

"Open your eyes." I cracked them open, only to be blinded by light. "OPEN!" I obeyed, cringing from pain.

"What're you doing to me?" I asked hoarsely, not even trying to resist as he led me down the corrider.

"I'm going to make you wish you had listened to me when I told you to stay away from the Manosos," Martinez hissed. As he led me into the small concrete room similiar to the one from before, I did nothing but close my eyes.

_"Get out, get out!" Morelli turned to me and grabbed my arm. "Stephanie, get out!" I stared dumbly at the brilliant blonde in front of me. "You," I whispered. "You bitch." She gave me an eery smile. "Tell your girlfriend goodbye," she said to Morelli, never taking her eyes off of me. "Terry," Morelli gave one final warning. "Terry-" At the same time that she raised the gun, he lept._

I couldn't breathe through my lips -- instead, I focused on breathing through my nose. The tape over my mouth prevented me from spitting out the blood that filled it, instead I focused on swallowing and not drowing. I didn't even glance up as the door opened again. When the punches began, I welcomed the bliss that followed.

_"He miraculously pulled through the surgery," Dr. Pyre announced. From across the room, I saw Carl Costanza fall to a chair in relief. Beside me, Eddie let out a large rush of air. _

_"However," the brain surgeon continued, "He is in a coma.. and there is a good chance he will not wake up."_

I was in a state of deleria, I had to be. I felt hands all over me, touching me, hurting me, but I couldn't move. My eyes wouldn't open, no matter how hard I tried. I knew I needed to wake up -- Rex hadn't been fed yet, and Connie had called the night before to remind me that she had a new file for me. Or had she? How long ago had that been? Where was Ranger? I had met his daughter, hadn't I? What was her name? Why am I so tired..

_Beep. Beep. The machines carried a slow, steady rhythm. It had been months, and nothing. Most had given up, but not me. I couldn't. The doctors asked to pull the plug, but the family had flat out refused. Grandma Bella had had another vision, but in this one he had awaken. I had started to pray for him, even though I had never been much of the religious type. This day was just like any other-_

_  
"Hi."_

_I turned to find two brown eyes staring at me._

_"Hi," I whispered. I then shrieked and called the nurses. As they began rushing in, he continued to study me closely. Finally, he asked the question that changed everything._

_"Who are you?"_

Who am I? Where am I? I tried to look around, but my eyes wouldn't open. I tried to speak out, but my mouth was filled with a fluid.. and what was that smell? The people.. that's what they're called isn't it, people, had left me alone.. finally left me alone. Finally let me sleep. Dear God, let me sleep..

_I'm floating.. floating through the hospital, through all the rooms that Morelli stayed in. I move into the room he stays in now, the one without all of the machines, the one with a TV and a normal bed. It's still a hospital, but he is going home soon. I sit down on his bed, something I never did after I walked away five months ago. I pick up the remote and began to change channels._

_"Stephanie," says a voice behind me. I turn and find Morelli standing in the doorway._

_"Hey," I say. He has pizza and beer in his hands, Bob by his side. The two join me on the bed, and watch TV with me. We settle on a Ranger's game. I take a peice of pizza and begin chewing._

_"You need to leave," Morelli says finally. I look at him and see no anger, only peacefulness._

_"Why?" I ask. He opens his mouth to reply, but I hear a voice from down the hall call my name._

_"Stephanie," it says. I stand and walk to the door, Morelli by my side. We walk side-by-side to where Ranger is standing. The two men shake hands, a feat that they had not done since the night of the shooting._

_"Take care of her," Morelli tells Ranger. The two men stare at each other for a long while, until Ranger finally nods._

_"I will," he promises. The two men again shake hands, then Ranger turns to me. "Are you ready?" he asks, taking Bob's leash from Morelli._

_I turn to Morelli and give him a hug. He returns it just as strongly. "Be careful," he whispers into my ear. "Take good care of Bob."_

_I kiss him on the cheek, then take Ranger's outstretched hand. "Bye," I say to Morelli._

_"Bye," he replies. Ranger and I begin walking to the main doors. Right before we exit, I turn back to wave to Morelli, but he is gone._

_"Hey," I say, "Where did he go?"_

_Ranger turns around, but does not look surprised. "He went home," he said in explanation._

_"And where are we going?"_

_Ranger wrapped his arm around my waist as he helped me to open the door._

_"Home," he replied._

_

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_

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	20. Explanation

**A/N: We're almost dooonneee.. or I am. I'm seriously considering a sequel to this, but we'll just have to see. I'm guessing I have anywhere from three to five chapters left. I'll work hard to get them done, but only if I get ten reviews for this chapter. So I'm a review whore. Sue me.**

**Explanation : Morelli and Stephanie were on a case (use your imagination) when Terry Gilman shows up for the other's side. She aims the gun to fire at STEPHANIE, but Morelli jumps in the way and takes the bullet in the head. He is in the hospital for months, or whatever, and when he finally wakes up, he doesn't remember anything or anyone. That is what the flashback was. The thing with the watching TV in the hospital at the end of last chapter was a hallucination or a dream or something. There ya go.**

**And now, for your feature presentation..**

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I hate hospitals.

"Good morning, Stephanie," said a voice from beside my bed. I looked over and saw Tia.

"Hi!" I exclaimed. She looked better than the last time I had seen her. Then again, I hadn't seen her in..

"How long have I been here?" I asked, wrinkling my brow.

She opened her mouth hesitantly, then glanced up and closed it. "Hey bro," she said instead. I turned my head and saw Ranger standing in the doorway. He, too, looked better than the last time we had spoken.

Well, I guess "spoken" isn't the word I'm looking for. More like.. collided.

"Good to see you awake," Ranger said to me, after giving his sister a nod.

Great, so we're still barely speaking. I would've bet money that if I hadn't've been lying in a hospital bed, he wouldn't've even looked my way.

"Thanks," I said dryly. If he can act like a bitch, I can too.

He shot me a look, but kept his mouth shut. Tia, feeling the tension, stood. "Sorry, Stephanie," she said to me, patting me on the hand. "I need to use the bathroom."

"You're leaving me," I told her. She was leaving me alone in a room with a semi-pissed Batman. That was considered traitorish.

"I'm not leaving you," she hissed, her eyes telling me that she was. I couldn't really blame her, I suppose I would've left too.

"Abandonment," I muttered, but by then, she was out the door.

Great.

"So," I said, trying to fill the awkward silence. Ranger walked forward and took the chair Tia had vacated. "How are the kids?"

"Fine," he replied. "Mary Alice found me within the day and led me straight back to where you were. Adriel is back with Rina in Florida, Tia has her children back, and your neices are back at home with your sister."

I closed my eyes in relief. "Thank you, God," I muttered. I looked back at Ranger. "How long am I in here?" I asked. "How long have I been here?"

"You've been here for three days," he said. It was only when he spoke that I really noticed the slightly dark circles under his eyes. Only one who had closely examined his face multiple times before would be able to see them, but they were there.

"Wow. They must've really gotten PMSy."

Ranger's eyes narrowed slightly. "Do you remember anything?"

I remember you telling me to go away because you couldn't waste your time on me.

"Why are you here?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Excuse me?"

"The last time we spoke, if that's what you want to call it, you told me to go away. So I did. Why are you here now?"

Ranger's eyes darkened.

Oh shit.

"I didn't mean that, and you know it."

I did.

"So why did you say it?"

He exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. I figured he was counting to ten in his head. "I said it because my daughter, my neice, and my nephew were missing. Because three girls who have only met me maybe three times before were in danger because of me." He opened his eyes and stared at me. "You know I'm more emotionally attached to you than I am to most. I couldn't, and still cannot, afford to lose you. It was a protective instinct."

Whoa.

"Oh," I said lamely. "Well, in that case then.. you're forgiven. I guess."

He gave me one of his infamous half-smiles, then it disappeared.

"There is something else you need to know," he told me. I could tell I wasn't going to enjoy what it was.

"Okay," I said, leaning forward. He continued to stare at me, then reached down and took my hand.

"Stephanie," he began, "A few days ago, Morelli-"

"No!" I yelled, yanking my hand away. I winced in pain as the needle from the IV dug deeper into my vein. "Shit, shit shit."

Ranger stood and walked to the door. "You have to face it," he told me before leaving. I rocked back and forth, my wrist with the IV held close to my stomach. I kept repeating 'no' in my head.

Morelli can't be dead, I kept saying. At the same time, however, I knew.. I didn't know HOW I knew, but I somehow knew.

"Aunt Stephanie?"

I looked up at the tiny voice in the door.

"Hey Mary Alice," I greeted, wiping away the tears from my face. "Come on in."

My neice padded her way into my room and took a seat on Ranger's chair. "Aunt Stephanie, I gotta talk to you," she informed me. I held out my hand and, with my help, she climbed up on the bed beside me.

"What is it?" I asked, wincing at the impatience in my voice. I couldn't help it, kids just weren't my thing.

"Aunt Steph'nee," Mary Alice began, "Do you love mommy?"

What in the world did Valerie have to do with anything?

"Of course I love your mother," I replied, wondering where this was going. "She is my sister."

Mary Alice nodded uncertainly. "Why?" I asked, curious. "Did someone tell you something bad?"

"No, no," Mary Alice said quickly. "I was just wondering, 'cuz.. Mr. Ranger and Mr. Eric are brothers, and you and Mommy are sisters, and Mr. Eric hurt Adri because she is Mr. Ranger's daughter-"

"Oh, no," I exclaimed. Despite the IV, I managed to wrap my arms around her. "I would never hurt you or Angie or Lisa," I promised.

Not physically anyway, I added to myself. This conversation itself proved that I had already caused them to be hurt emotionally and psychologically.

"Okay," Mary Alice said, but she didn't seem too convinced. "Do you love Mr. Ranger?" she asked.

I wish I knew that, myself.

"Mr. Ranger and I are friends," I told her.

"Oh," she said, disappointed.

"Why?" I asked, frowning at her.

She looked me over, then nodded. "Cuz, he loves you," she told me. I opened my mouth to question her, but she slid off of my bed in seconds and was out of the room. As she walked away, I wondered whatever happened to the little girl who galloped around acting like a horse. It made me sad to see her be forced into growing up. She was so much like me, when it all came down to it -- I figured it would be any week now that I would get all call from my mother, telling me Mary Alice had broken her arm while trying to fly off of the roof.

"I'm back," Tia announced, about ten minutes later. She had in her hand a cup of coffee and a bagel.

"Tell me about Eric and Ranger and Adriel," I said. She froze, her hand half-way to her mouth. Slowly, she put it down and looked at me.

"What about them?" she asked.

"Everything."

Tia stared at me, then shook her head and sighed. "I probably shouldn't do this-" I opened my mouth to protest, but she put up her hand and spoke over me, "-but I'm going to, because you deserve an explanation." She glanced at my slightly uncomfortable position on the bed and shook her head. "You might want to settle in for this one," she said. I obeyed and got shifted until I was content, then looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"As you might know, Eric is about two years older than Ricky. We used to have our little.. groups. When you're in a big family, you get used to it. It used to be Carla was Mommy's little girl - always bossing us around and helping Mom out around the kitchen -- things like that. She has always been the oldest of us all; she and Diego are five years apart. So, Carla was never really appreciated by any of us, but she had my mother, so she didn't care. Then, it was Diego and Eric. Those two were only nine, ten months apart, and they were inseperable. Then it was Ricky. He was also sort of a loner, but Carla always had a soft spot for him, so whenever he was really bored, those two hung out. Then, it was me. For some reason, I was always considered the baby. Ricky and I are seven years apart as well, so we didn't really talk that much until I was really old enough. Tony was the biggest outsider there was -- he and Ricky are twelve years apart, so by the time he was born, everyone but me was already off doing their own things, barely coming home at night, if they even came home at night at all. Tony always looked up to Ricky, especially once Ricky was in service. Ricky, Diego, and Eric all three went in at the same time, but only Ricky made it to the Ranger's.

"It was actually while the boys were in service when this all began. While they were overseas on a mission, they screwed up and got themselves caught. A special forces team had to be sent in to get them out of there -- and serving on that team was Katrina Bryers. Katrina was their commander's daughter, and strictly off limits. Of course, that just appealed to them even more.

"Ricky, like every other men on the base, thought of her as a hot peice of ass, but never pursued her. Eric, however, along with many other desperate men, did. While at first we thought Eric's infactuation was just that -- a crush, Ricky began to think otherwise. Eric tried and failed many times to get Rina to agree to go on a date with him. Diego was told to keep an eye on Eric's.. interest in Rina, but he told the family that Eric was just in love with a woman who was too blind to see what she was missing. Well, the seemingly harmless crush went on for over a year, with no retaliation from Rina to any of Eric's attempts. Then, Ricky was made Ranger 1."

Throughout the explanation, I sat with my jaw slightly open, comparing the two stories. Granted, Tia's made more sense, but I still wasn't completely convinced.

"When Ricky became Ranger, Rina became his temporary partner after his other got hurt. Needless to say, Eric was pissed. It wasn't until Eric threatened Ricky's life that Ricky realized how serious he was about Rina. So, Ricky warned Rina. He told her about Eric's obsession with her, and she wasn't stupid. She filed a restraining order against him. She got him dishonorably discharged from the Army. But the thing that changed everything is when Rina became pregnant.. with only one man that could be the father. Eric saw it was a betrayal, and he convinced Diego the same. He and Diego planned revenge against Rina's baby and against Ricky. Diego continued to act as though he cared about Ricky, but Ricky saw right through the act. He and Rina got married before the child was even born, and made sure that Eric knew it. He then, with the help of his new father in law, put Rina in a safe house until Adriel was born.

"Eric thankfully never got to Adriel until now, but he tried. He and Diego were thrown in jail as suspects for murdering one of Ricky's men. Diego had honestly not known anything about it, but Eric had framed him into getting caught as well. The case was dismissed for lack of evidence, but the damage was done. Diego saw that Ricky's warnings had been correct, and had told Eric never to contact him again. Eric became the new outsider, the one who was not welcome in the Manoso family anymore. Diego straightened up, but Ricky still doesn't trust him that much. I don't think Carla does either, but she hides it, surprising as it is. My grandmother got hit harder than anyone -- Eric and Tony are her babies. When she found out what Eric did, it almost killed her."

Tia winded her story down, giving me a smile as she did so. "Ricky and Rina never cared about each other as anything other than close friends, and Adriel knows that. Rina still works for the government on contracts and things, but when she heard about the kidnapping, she used her connections to get her pulled off the mission. She wasn't able to stay in Jersey, but she wanted me to tell you 'thank you'. She said Adriel told her that she likes you, so you have Rina's approval."

"Wait," I cut in, "Approval for what?"

Tia just gave me a smile, then looked out the window. "You'll figure it out," she told me, nodding her head and smiling. "You'll figure it out."

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	21. Nosy Batman and Rat Fink Scum

**Apologies. This story is boring to me, for some reason, but I only have like.. two? chapters left, if I ever get them written. This chapter doesn't have as much content as I had originally planned, because I wrote so much on only one thing. Other than that.. To0dleZ.**

**AmbeR**

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"Home sweet home," I muttered. Ranger, who had driven me from the hospital, threw some clothes at me while I rested on my bed.

"Take a shower," he said, hitting me in the head with my lacey underwear.

"Hey!" I yelled, sitting up and pulling the panties off of my head. "You're going through my panty drawer."

Okay, so it was a little exciting to know that Batman was digging through a drawer of Victoria's Secret lingerie that was bought with him in mind..

but still.

He gave me a raised eyebrow, as if saying "..And?"

Grumbling, I got up and collected my scattered clothes.

"I never pictured you as a nosy one," I griped, watching as he began to dig through my nightie drawer.

He gave me a 100 watt grin, and I leaned back against the bed to catch myself.

"Why don't you try these on for me?" he asked. He moved closer to me, my rather revealing red nightie in his hand. As I stood frozen, he pressed himself against me, his arm around my waist to keep me from falling.

"Umm.." I mumbled, trying to get my senses back.

Can you say 'hotflash?'

"Well?" He began to whisper into my ear just exactly what he would do to me if I put that nightie on.

"Shower!" I exclaimed suddenly, pushing away from him. He gave me another grin, knowing the shower was the last thing on my mind.

I doubt you'd be too concerned about it either, if you were in my place.

He opened his mouth again, no doubt to utter another innuendo, when there was a frantic knock at my door.

Thank God.

I was almost done unlocking the door when Ranger grabbed me and pulled me behind him, his gun in place. He finished unlocking the door, then lowered the gun as Vinnie stepped in.

Rat fink.

"What?" I asked.

I swear, if he rags on me for not being at work, I'll kill him. I'll slam his head into my TV. I'll suffocate him with the red nightie.

Which Ranger still had in his hand.

"Well, Stephanie," Vinnie began, rubbing his sweaty hands on his jeans. He gave a curious glance at the item in Ranger's hand, but immediately turned his attention back to me. "We're family, right? And family forgi-"

"What did you do?" I asked, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"I uh.."

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he squeaked.

"I had to do it, Stephanie!" he exclaimed.

I grabbed him by the ear. "What-" I asked, twisting it ("Ouch, shit!") "Did you do?"

"I bailed them!" exclaimed Vinnie. I let him go, my eyes wide.

"You.."

"I had no choice," he whimpered, rubbing his ear. "They threatened to kill me if I didn't.."

I glanced at Ranger. He had his unreadable face on, but I could see with his eyes that he was PISSED.

"Oh.. Well, I'm getting in the shower," I said hastily, seeing that Ranger was about to blow. "I'll be back."

When I got in the shower, I was understanding.

When I got out, I was pissed.

"Hey!" I yelled, running in in a towel. I punched Vinnie in the nose.

"Shit!" he swore. "What was tha-"

"You're a damn bounty hunter, you wussy!" I yelled.

Ranger grabbed my arms as I made to smack Vinnie again.

"Lemme go."

Right.

"Get out," I spat to Vinnie, all the while struggling against Ranger's tight grip. "Get! Go!"

Vinnie scrambled out of the apartment, one hand on his nose, the other on his ear. "See you at work?" he called tentatively.

I growled. Like that, he was gone.

"I'ma kill him," I grumbled. Ranger let me go, but kept an eye trained on me.

"I'll take care of it," he said, his voice dangerously low.

So sue me. I'm a hormonal woman. I have a right to be pissed.

"Meanwhile," Ranger said, his voice calmer, "I have a proposition."

Oh hell.

"What?" I asked wearily.

He gave me another grin. "You don't have a reason to be nervous, yet."

Oh, do I..

"Whenever you talk with that voice, it means something is about to be asked that I will not agree with. Well, I may _agree_ with it, but it probably won't be morally right."

"I'm Ranger Manoso," he said. "When has anything I've done not been morally right?"

"Got all night?"

"So, my proposition."

I sat down on my couch, making sure I had a clear route to the door. "Continue."

"Your rent is overdue."

I wasn't surprised. I hadn't paid on it in two or three months. "Okay?"

"This place is an accident waiting to happen."

I narrowed my eyes. "I happen to like my place, thank you very much."

"Babe, your biggest form of protection is your hampster."

I glanced over at Rex's cage.

Or where it should've been.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "Where's Rex?"

"At my apartment."

I sat up and looked around at my walls.

Now, normally it's bare.. but today it was dead.

"Heyyyy," I glared at him. "Where's my stuff?"

He smiled. "At my apartment."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's the catch?"

He sighed. "Stephanie," he said, using my full name. Ohh Lord. "I want you to move in with me."

I didn't answer. My jaw was slack. "You.. what.. when.. why?"

He grinned. "Me, you move in with me, today, because it's safer, less expensive, and I can have my entertainment right there at home."

Entertainment. Oh, I'll show him entertainment.

"Fine," I said sweetly. This time, it was his turn to narrow his eyes. He knew I had agreed way too easily. "But only under certain conditions."

"I better sit down for this one."

I smiled, moving toward him. "Mary Lou is always welcome to come over."

"Deal."

I sat down on his lap. "Ella has to cook full-time."

"That could work." He wrapped his arms around my waist. I began to kiss him on the neck.

"Lula gets all access as well."

He pulled away and gave me a look.

I pouted, then grinned. "Jus' kiddin'."

He pulled me off of him, then pulled out his cell. "I'll get them up here to load everything up," he said.

"Actually," I interrupted, "Do you think I could do it?"

He shot me a curious look. "I have this thing about other people touching my stuff." At this, I glared at the red nightie lying over the back of the couch, then looked at him pointedly. He grinned.

"No problem," he said, "But once you're living with me, don't expect me to keep my hands off."

"You didn't to begin with."

He helped me round up some boxes, then left me a cell phone.

At closer examination, I realized it was mine.

"Oops?" I asked. I fully expected a lecture, but, to my surprise, he just tugged on a stray curl.

"I'll be back," he said. After a mind-blowing kiss, he was gone.

"All alone, all alone," I muttered, spreading out the boxes and dragging a few into my room.

I carelessly began to throw things into a box, noting sourly how almost everything in my drawer fit into one.

"Snack time," I announced to myself, after filling up two boxes. I turned around, only to find a gun between my eyes.

"Oh, shit."

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**Review!! **

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	22. Confrontation

**Well... It's been a long time, folks. A longggg time. I really don't have any excuses except for I lost interest in the story. I really didn't think I'd ever post again... but I was reading it tonight and decided that wasn't fair... for poor Stephanie. I mean, come on, who wants to stand there forever with a gun pointed at your forehead and no finish to it?**

**So, I'm finishing this story up, come hell or high water. This chapter was shorter than I intended, but I'm just now getting back into the habit of writing... so I'm kind of a rookie, all over again. **

**All I'm asking is... be patient with me )... I gotta get back in the mindset... **

**Thank ya'll so00oo much )**

**AND now... -Drum Roll-...**

* * *

"Evening, Ms. Stephanie," greeted Martinez.

Shit.

"'Lo," I said casually, forcing my voice not to shake.

Martinez looked like shit. He hadn't shaved in what looked like quite a few days... and he was still wearing his jail clothes.

"Well, seein' how we're friends and all, wanna lower the gun a 'lil?"

Like, away from my forehead?

Hey, at least I'm trying to make conversation.

He gave me a sardonic smile. "Now, now, I would love to, but the last time I trusted you, I got thrown in jail... remember?" He made a motion to someone behind me. Without looking, I knew that it was Eric who was cuffing my hands behind my back... with my own cuffs.

Now if that don't piss a girl off, I don't know what would.

"Hey, you can't use my _cuffs_ against me!" I exclaimed to Martinez, glowering.

Eric Manoso pushed me ungracefully onto the bed. He sat down beside me and bared his teeth. "I think I just did, _Babe_."

I felt a sick sensation at the nickname.

"How long were you here?" I asked, my voice shaking.

The two men grinned. Martinez, gun still pointed at my head, moved to stand in front of me, while Eric lay back lazily on the couch with an air that only a Manoso could posess.

"Shacking up with my brother, eh?" Eric gave me a sinister grin. "Now, what would your mother say about _that_?"

I felt sick. I was going to puke all over his shoes.

"She looks a 'lil green, man," Eric pointed out to Martinez.

No _shit_, Peppy LaPue. He'd be green too if he had a crazy ass clown stalker holding him hostage with _HIS OWN handcuffs_ and a large, evil looking gun at his throat.

If I wasn't in such a... bind... I would look at myself in the mirror, just to see how the green complexion mixed with my hair.

I guess they could see that my attention was shifting, because I felt a sharp slap across my face.

_Fucker_.

I glared at Martinez, who simply raised his eyebrows back. Ha, I guess I'm not the only one who can't raise just one.

"Is there a problem?"

Yeah, dickhead, you just _slapped_ me.

"What do you want from me? I'm not of any help to you. Adriel is gon-"

Martinez laughed. "Adriel is not who we're after, darling. You are still of great help to us."

_Shit_. Ranger... they wanted Ranger.

Okay, on one hand, this could be a good thing, right? Ranger had said he'd be back...

but it could be hours before he returned.

And if he DID return with them here... there were two of them, and one of him.

"Shit," I whispered.

Both men grinned. "She isn't as much of an idiot as I thought," laughed Eric.

Had I not have had my hands cuffed, he would have gotten shot the bird.

"So, I don't quite understand," I muttered, trying to stall for time. "You're army men. Why don't ya'll just go to him?"

Eric threw back his head and laughed as if I had just told a funny joke. "Nice try," he growled, "But even I'm not stupid enough to go charging into a group of ex-military men."

Well, he had a point.

"But you're a trained army man, right?" I thought back to what I had learned in the hospital.

Eric snorted. "I could take one a few at once. But not the entire company."

Well... true.

We sat there in silence for quite awhile, until Eric's eyes snapped up and made contact with mine. He gave me the look of a lion about to jump.

"On the other hand..."

My eyes widened as Eric sat up and leaned into my face. He was so close, I could smell his breath.

"...Nobody said we need you.. _alive_."

The last part was not even a whisper, but a mere breath.. but it made me shiver violently. The cool act was gone.

I was fucking terrified, and they knew it.

Sure, I'd come close to death before. The Ramirez incident was an example of that. Along with the funeral home incident. I'd had more cars blow up in one month than Paris Hilton had men in her bed.

But none of that hit as close as this.

"Don't," I whispered, my cool facade gone.

Martinez glanced at Eric, who nodded.

"Ricky took the only woman I'll ever love away from me," he whispered in my ear. He grabbed me by the arm and forced me to stand up.

Shit, shit _shit_. Where was Ranger when you needed him?

"I can't control that," I said as a last attempt. "It wasn't my fault, I wasn't even AROUND. I didn't _KNOW_ him!"

Not to mention that Rina is still _alive_... which will be more than what I'll be if someone doesn't show up, and SOON.

"I don't _CARE_," bellowed Eric suddenly. "An eye for an eye will never be enough. I want, I _DESERVE_ more than that. Now shut the FUCK up and stand by the window."

Oh, God.. that's when it hit me. I was truely going to die. This was it.

"_NOW_!" he screamed. Martinez took me by the arm and led me to the window. I shot him a begging, pleading look.

"It was a pleasure, Ms. Plum," he said, smiling. Had the phrase been recorded, one would think we were dismisisng ourselves from a lovely tea party.

"Turn around and face me." I didn't move. If I was going to die anyway, I'd rather not see it happen.

I guess Martinez had a different plan for me, because he turned me around.

Eric looked me in the eye as he raised the gun to my forehead.

I saw the hatred, the anger... and the pain.

"Why me?" I asked softly, my cool gone.

Hey, if you were about to get shot and had to face the person doing it, you would cry, too.

Eric faltered for half a second, then brought the gun up again, pissed.

"Why?" I repeated.

Before I could get an answer, a single bullet was fired.

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**Let me just say now...**

**STEPHANIE IS NOT GOING TO DIE.**

**Review? Please? -Puppy eyes-**

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	23. Unexpected Save

**Okay, I guess this chapter got lucky. It started out 664 words long. I wrote an author's note apologizing for the shortness, and this and that.**

**Well, I guess that wasn't what God had planned for me.**

**I went to save it, without really proofreading or anything, and I lost it... Only 339 words were there. **

**So yes, I was pissed. Then, the second time, I went through and actually READ what I had written... and was shaking my head, saying "No, no no!"... So I wrote some, and wrote some more... and it's now 1280ish words long...**

**There's only one more chapter after this!! I'm both happy and sad at the same time...**

**Anyway, enough rambling. Here we go...**

* * *

"Shit!" screamed Martinez. He jumped to me, but I rolled over the bed and into the corner.

"Get away!" I screamed.

"Put your hands in the air," said a cool voice from the doorway.

No fucking way.

Could that be-

"Tony, a pleasure to see you!" exclaimed Martinez, pulling away from me immediately. He eyed the gun that had fallen beside Eric. Tony caught the movement and drug the gun behind him.

"Cut the shit," he said, his voice unwavering. His tone reminded me why I had nicknamed him Darth Vader. He He stared calmly at Martinez, his gun now trained on HIS forehead.

Funny how things turn around.

"Now, Tony-boy, you wouldn-"

Tony fired a warning shot above his head.

Damn! Did Martinez WANT to get killed? Nobody in their right mind would taunt an armed Manoso..

'Cept me.

Both Martinez and I jumped again.

"I don't play games," Tony said, his voice hard.

Martinez shot a look at me filled with anger, but I could see that he knew that he was screwed.

"Bitch," he growled, narrowing his eyes at me. "This isn't over."

He slowly raised his arms over his head, glaring at me all the while.

"Turn around."

Tony sounded even more pissed than before, but his face was still expressionless.

I wondered vaguelly if Tony had ever been in law enforcement.

Well, duh, his brother is Ranger. Of course he seemed like a natural.

Martinez turned, his head still facing me. He shot me a 'drop-dead' look that made me cringe.

Tony approached him, gun still pointed at the back of his head.

"I believe you're wrong," he said. "This IS over."

Martinez fell. Tony clipped his stun-gun back onto his belt, then turned to look at me.

I was frozen. We stared at each other for minutes until he cleared his throat.

That broke my silence.

"Ohmigod," I rushed, crumbling to the floor where I was.

I was a mess. I was crying, the snotty kind.

Well hell, you would be too, if all this had happened to you!

I put my head in my hands and sobbed... over everything. I was sleep deprived, PMS'ing, and had almost been KILLED, only to be saved by Darth Vader...

I felt arms embrace me and I stiffened.

Tony knew how to hug?

Sure enough, he had walked around my bed and was squatting down beside me, his arms around me.

I think what little I had left, I lost it.

I buried my head in Tony's shoulder and bawled.

He awkwardly pat my back, looking unsure.

"It's over," he muttered into my ear.

"Bu-bu-but... Martinez is still alive!" I gasped out, crying harder as snot landed on Tony's shoulder. Either he didn't notice or was wise enough not to say anything, because he didn't mention it. "What if he gets so-so-someone else? Another ally? Tia is still in da-da-danger! He sa-said it's not ov-over!"

His hand froze, and he pulled back. He looked at Martinez, then at me, then embraced me again. "We'll take care of him."

My crying slowed down as my mind went into overdrive. There could be plenty of meanings to that statement. One in particular popped into my head... death.

I knew Ranger had killed for _me_ before... I had no doubt that he would kill for his little sister.

"I'm okay," I mumbled, pulling away slightly.

It wasn't that I would particularly feel bad if Martinez died... I just didn't want his death to be because of me.

Okay, so I have a conscience. And it's been popping up more and more these past couple days. I'd cried more this week than in the past few months combined.

"Stephanie!" I heard a yell.

_Ranger_.

And he sounded... was that panic?

"In here," called Tony.

I heard rapid footsteps to the bedroom, then Ranger appeared in the door. He looked from his brother's body, lying in the entranceway, to Martinez's stunned and cuffed self, to Tony and me, huddled in the corner.

He swore softly and carefully stepped over Eric's body to us.

I could only imagine what the scene looked like to an outsider... my lip was bleeding and my eye was blackened, not to mention I was still bruised from my last encounter with the duo.

I looked at Tony. He didn't look so bad, but he had circles under his eyes. He looked down at me, as if using that ESP thing that the Justice League tends to use, then stood.

He leaned down and took my arm, helping me stand. As soon as I was on my feet, I rushed to Ranger. I began babbling about what had happened, but I knew he couldn't understand me. From one set of arms to another, I clung to him like he was my only lifeline. I was shaking, my hair was a mess... and still his arms circled me.

"andheshothimandfellan-"

"Steph," Ranger whispered into my ear.

"Ineverknew, Ithoughtyou'dbe-"

"Steph," he said louder, snapping me to attention.

I pulled up. "You're going to be okay."

"But Martine-"

He took my hands and squeezed them.

"Stephanie," he said softly, "Calm down."

I began to breathe. In and out.

Friggen' A.

He led me through my apartment and to my couch. "Just sit here a second. I need to talk to Tony."

Tony. I had forgotten about him. Sure enough, I turned my head to see him dragging the stunned Martinez with him. I guess he had left Eric's body in my bedroom.

Holy shit.

I have a body in my bedroom.

I began to shiver again, my breathing getting rapid.

I have an effing BODY in my bedroom!

Ranger's brother's body, at that...

"She's not in any condition to drive," he said to his brother. They took a look at me. I'm sure I looked crazy... I was rocking back and forth.

A Manoso's body was in my room.

"No shit," he replied, cocking an eyebrow at me. "What about her mother?"

Oh shit.

Not my mother.

Anything but my mother.

If she finds out what happened...

she'll lock me in a closet for life!

"No," Ranger mused, "Her mother would only make her worse."

Thank you, Batman...

"-and I don't think being around the guys would be good either," Tony said lower, staring at me.

Probably not. They all mean good... but they effing scare me.

"What about Mom's?" Tony muttered.

Ranger gave him a look, then turned his gaze to me.

Oh God... his grandmother scares the hell out of me...

"That would work."

This time, my head shot up. He was willingly taking me to his mother's?

Tony and Ranger made their way over to me.

"You okay with that, Babe?"

Not really... but I guess it's better than staying here.

"Okay," I agreed.

What else was there to do?

He shot Tony a look. Tony nodded. He crossed the room, pet me awkwardly on the shoulder. "You're not so bad, but I still think you're shit stupid."

"I still think you're an ass," I said, not meaning the words at all.

The kid had just saved my life. For the second time.

"Thanks for all that. Saving my life again and all."

He grinned at me. "Anytime, _Babe._"

I glared weakly. "You really ARE an ass."

His grin grew wider. "Why do I have a feeling we've already had this conversation?"

Ranger coughed inconspiciously, causing our bicker to stop immediately. The grin wiped from Tony's face as quickly as it had appeared. "I'll get started," he said to Ranger. He gave my shoulder a squeeze one last time, then left.

For once, my curiousity didn't want to know what he was getting started on.

I just wanted to sleep.

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**RevieWwWWwwwWW Please )**

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